


Bottoms Up

by AvidVice



Series: Piss or Get Off the Pot [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:02:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24363247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvidVice/pseuds/AvidVice
Summary: Commander Shepard decided to check on her crew while they were on their way to retrieve the Reaper IFF. Unfortunately, she ingested one of Mordin's experiments and turned her quality time with her colleagues into a nightmare.Takes place during the events of ME2.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Samara
Series: Piss or Get Off the Pot [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2051667
Comments: 10
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's fun to imagine what takes place onboard the Normandy in-between side-missions when everyone is onboard because if there is one thing you can take away from the games, it's the disappointingly lack of interaction with your favorite characters. This will be a short piece, I'm thinking it will get to at least three chapters. It's been awhile since I have written anything for Mass Effect and I came up with this idea when I was watching Rick and Morty and couldn't let it go. Guess which episode. Oh yeah, this piece has graphic language and sexual themes to a certain extent. -AvidVice (avie1821@aim.com)

It was another mediocre day-cycle on the Normandy when Commander Shepard decided to spend her day checking on her crew. It will be soon that they will take a jump into the Omega-4 Relay to stop the Collectors and most expected a one-way trip as they worked through their issues to measure the worth of their own souls. It was a touching sentiment that she shared with them and motivated herself to let them know that they weren’t alone.  
  


So far, she was impressed by the team she gathered and grew to care about each one of them. She started with Mordin Solus who was undoubtedly in his lab with a hundred new discoveries and “interesting developments” about something over her head. It would be best to keep this one short, she thought. 

“How’s it going, Mordin ?” She greeted him as he kept his attention to his screen that scrolled endless lists of symbols and numbers.

“Found interesting side-effects. A small experiment I have worked on to satisfy boredom.” He announced, obviously wanting to elaborate further.

Shepard inspected his work space with feigned interest until she saw a couple of shots of liquor and humored herself at the thought that Mordin had more dimensions he wasn’t willing to share. “Relaxing is conducting more studies ?” She asked hypothetically, “What were you working on?”

“Creating the universal equivalency of “pheromones” in your human physiological terms. Hormonal changes that affect all species from the detection of smell of one element. I believe I found a suitable formula.” 

“Why are you creating something like that ?” She asked, half listening while wondering why Mordin was so shy about drinking alone in his laboratory. He would do well to socialize with the crew more.

“Just curiosity. I wondered if all of the species were united to respond to hormone altering regents. Took a lot of time to review Turian and Quarian susceptibility due to their individualistic immune systems.” He continued typing on the terminal busily.  
  
Shepard figured she could talk to him another time, saving her an extra hour and a half to reach out to her diverse crew, “That’s really interesting..well, I see you’re busy..” She carefully said with a “I’m going to go shove-off” sigh, “Maybe you can tell me more about it over lunch. Don’t forget to leave the lab now and then to tell us you’re still alive. You have been working too much.”

“Appreciate the concern. I am fine, excited for new ideas. I try to finish what I can.” Mordin assured her.

She expected that had something to do with him overcompensating what he can accomplish before they take the fight to the Collectors; maybe he thought his chances for survival were minimal. “Alright well I’ll see you at lunch.” 

Deciding it was going to be THAT kind of day, Shepard ingested one of the colorful shot glasses of liquor for the hell of it. Getting Garrus away from those calibrations will be a challenge and she could use some liquid courage when she has to put up with Miranda’s unending concerns about Jack. She made a note to repay Mordin for the drink, “See ya’ around.”

With a delectable burn down her gullet, she went towards the elevator with a growing sense of accomplishment already. At this rate she’ll be done by lunch and have an early evening in her cabin where she can practice meditation techniques Samara had taught her. 

“Making your rounds ?” Yeomen Kelly Chambers asked as she waited for the elevator.

“Yup. Just checking on the crew, is there anything I should know ?”

“While the situation is under control at the moment between Miranda and Jack, I ask that you warn me ahead of time if you plan to examine those issues. Other than that, everyone seems very focused. You have a dedicated crew, Shepard.”

“Thank you, Kelly.”

She entered the elevator, feeling her good buzz already reaping the benefits of a productive day. Deciding to be methodical, she went to the crew’s hall. There are a number of them to decide where to start first. Perhaps she should start with the most harmless, someone she enjoyed her conversations with. Justicar Samara. She made a right and tapped on her door before entering; something she tried to be consistent about in terms of personal space.  
  
Predictably she was sitting on the floor meditating as she faced the large window filled with stars. Shepard was always impressed by her devotion to her Code. She was as ambitious as she was beautiful, embodying sadness and relief all at once recently since she helped her kill her daughter on Omega. Their friendship reached new heights in ways that she could just sit in a comfortable silence with her for hours and be perfectly content. Despite the age difference, they were both weary soldiers of their culture and understood the pressure demanded of them to preserve what they perceive of peace. It was a weighty topic they discussed the last time she visited. If peace can be interpreted differently between cultures, then can it really be peace at all? Is it murder if you kill one person to save a hundred ? While her views were often stress-provoking, it made her think more philosophically than she ever has before.

“Good morning, Samara.” Shepard greeted her, “Did you sleep well ?”

The door closed as she took her place on the floor next to her after she gestured to her to approach. 

“I did. I don’t think I have slept so well in centuries, in fact.” The Justicar said, referring to her closure of her daughter, Morinth. They talked about her in great length once Samara recovered from the ordeal. Shepard had never seen her so distraught but it was the bravest thing she had ever seen. 

“That’s good to hear,” Shepard said as she smiled, hoping she would experience the bliss of a heavy sleep after calling it an early day. 

“And..what of you?” The Justicar asked almost awkwardly.

“Me ? Well I’m hoping I’ll have a better chance at sleep since we’re taking a day or two off. I am going to try to use some of your methods and see if that won’t help relax me.”

“I’m sorry to hear that you haven’t had your rest. A steady mind is just as important as your next mission.” 

“I know. I’m working on it though.” 

Samara turned to her with a blatant indication that she wished to say something. Sometimes Shepard could read her silences better than she could with her words. 

“What’s wrong ? I didn’t spill that stuff that Mordin gave me, did I ?” She teased as she pretended to inspect her shitty Cerebrus uniform.

“No. It’s just I am very grateful to you, Shepard. You have been a good friend to me. I enjoy our talks as well and I just want you to know that if we survive our battle with the Collectors- you may call on my aid at any time.” Samara said as earnestly as she could. If Samara’s THIS accommodating then her chances were good that the rest of her crew were just as expressive.

“I appreciate that, my friend.” 

Samara stared at her for a few moments of her unshakable silence, “If it’s in my power to give, you may ask me for any form of aid you require.”

The exchange was taking a weird turn but Shepard wasn’t about to discourage Samara from expressing herself. “I understand.”

“Needs are just as important as a good night’s sleep.” 

Shepard returned her indescribable stare to determine if she misheard the strange undertones. Samara looked just as stoic as usual, “I suppose they are. Like spiritual needs.” She decided to impart just to move on from the subject. 

“There are different kinds of needs but yes, spiritual understanding does have its satisfaction. What I speak of are more baser needs.”

This was definitely going into a direction she wasn’t prepared for.

“Like eating...sleeping..” She said awkwardly.

“Or companionship.” Samara added.

“I..uh...or that.” She was deadlocked on how to proceed from there. She was sure that this had to be a colossal misunderstanding or she needed more coffee. She expected their conversation to pivot to a brief story that the Justicar would be willing to share to make her point but she continued staring.

“I should..uh..go. I need to check on Garrus and make sure he doesn’t calibrate the entire ship.” Shepard blurted that resembled more of a squeak than her unmistakable maneuver to leave the room.

Concluding Samara was preoccupied as well, the Commander stood up and expected a decent retreat to the door when the Justicar followed suit.

“Shepard.”

  
The door remained shut as Shepard turned, hoping the afterthought had something to do with their current task which was to locate the Reaper IFF but the asari continued to give her an unreadable posture; if she ever surrenders more of her social restraints and got to play Skillian Five Blitz, she would be unstoppable. She could even destroy Kasumi’s current winning streak. 

“Should you have need, I am willing to provide intimate support.” She said as a matter of factly.

Confirmed that this wasn’t an induced hallucination brought on by caffeine withdrawal, Shepard found herself stunned. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t been propositioned throughout her years in the Alliance but by the least likely member of her current crew ? Even though they have gotten closer in the past two weeks, Shepard couldn’t imagine it being more than a platonic friendship because of her reservations as a devoted Justicar. 

“I-uh..don’t know what to say, Samara.” She admitted, having no idea how to proceed. “I mean-it’s not that I don’t..you know, find you..” Samara lured forward with an unmistakable feminine swing to her hips. “ uh-VERY attractive but I thought...your Code has something about this kind of thing.”

“It does not and my offer is not given lightly. It has been centuries, Shepard, since I have met anyone like you. While I must honor my Code and promise nothing, we may still embrace the moment.” She stood in front of her, daringly closer than they had ever stood together. “To lay down one’s burdens with another weary warrior.”

She couldn’t believe this was happening and how tempted she was to accept the “friends with benefits” proposal that just landed on her lap without any indication, but something had to be wrong. How could Samara be so expressive all of the sudden ? It’s almost like she changed personalities. Maybe it had something to do with the Normandy getting closer to going through the Omega-4 Relay; perhaps she viewed their chances of survival remote and decided to use what little time she had left of a long life to embrace the feelings she denied herself due to her dedication to serving the Code and her innermost demons. 

The morning was turning out to be an existential crisis as Shepard fiercely wondered what would be the most ethical thing to do. Technically, they were colleagues on a very important mission to stop the Collectors who were working for the Reapers. Even a close relationship would complicate things, perhaps even distract themselves from staying focused on the mission. They had to be untethered and sharp of the mind to be ready for what’s on the other side of the Relay. On the other hand, Samara was reaching out to her because she implicitly trusted her. With the odds against them, it made you think about the ones you care about and having the opportunity to say goodbye as well. 

“Samara, I’m honored you trust me enough to-uh..reach out. I mean I would be lying if I said I don’t feel anything more than our friendship sometimes but..I..” The matriarch rested her palm against the side of her face as if she were to be handled with the utmost care. “Maybe we could....” 

“You needn't say anything more,” Samara said into a soft murmur as she pressed her lips against hers.  
  
It would take the willpower of a god to pry herself off of her while she experienced the most incredible kiss she has ever had in her entire life. Shepard found herself molded into her embrace, feeling the need to savor the most vivid connection she has ever felt with Samara. It was more than she could understand as her weariness of a tired ex-alliance soldier melted away. Shepard wrapped her arms around her waist with a mental “ fuck it” as the asari nibbled on her bottom lip and slid her hands through her hair.

“S-Samara,” Shepard whispered, sensing where they were going, “Maybe we can continue this somewhere more comfortable ?” There was nothing but couches in the port observation lounge which made the Commander wonder how Samara slept at all. 

“I am ready now, Shepard.” The Justicar declared as she lightly brushed her cheek against hers that made her toes curl. 

They went to the floor as she pressed Shepard hard enough to lay on her back on the cold steel. Samara planted herself on top- sitting on her groin with both of her legs pinned by her powerful thighs. 

“It has been centuries since I have ever had the desire to mate.” 

“It’s weird you’re saying ‘mate’ but I understand. It has been a long time for me too.”

Samara slowly lowered her hands to the zipper below her cleavage as if it were a subtle dance while her weight pressed against her appetizingly, “There is so much I wish to...explore.”

Although it was heading in a strange territory, Shepard’s worries subsided when she unzipped her top completely and separated the sides further apart-revealing her full femininity. “To try.”

Experimentation ? Her early years in the Alliance navy were long over but she could give it another try. Hell, she can still be flexible, especially for Samara.

“I have hand-cuffs in my quarters, if that is something agreeable.”

“You do not understand because you have never mated-”

“-Stop saying mate.“

“-with an asari before. We are a very articulate culture in terms of history, power, and philosophy. Sex education is more of an art form in typical asari development. In fact, there are approximately sixty-seven ways I can use my biotics to supplement your stamina, Shepard.”

It would have been better if they had stopped talking because NOW Shepard was worried. She didn’t like the idea of being electrocuted by biotics but maybe it’s an asari thing.

“And one-hundred sixty three positions that are acceptable to your size and gender.” Samara continued as she began loosening the belts of her shoulder armor.

“What ? Over a hundred ? I can only think of three..how can there be more ?” 

“Some can only be done through a mild mind-meld. You will understand that in a moment.” 

“M-meld ?” Shepard repeated, the number of red flags became too staggering to ignore as the heat of the moment was extinguished as if by a giant mop bucket of cold water. “You know, I’m sensing this will be a very time consuming thing..perhaps we really should arrange to meet at my quarters after dinner.”

“Is there something more important that demands your attention?” 

“God, NO. It’s just that I would prefer our time to be..uh..special with a warm bed and blankets and guaranteed privacy. I think I have some baby oil so I can give you a massage and-”

“-massage ? Shepard, foreplay is unnecessary.”

She couldn’t believe she was having this conversation. “Well call me old fashioned but I like a little romance.”

Samara straightened, finally breaking free from her one-track mind to consider her request, “I am sorry, Shepard, I hadn’t considered your biological needs and you’re a different species. I know little about humans and even less so about their mating rituals. If a comfortable environment is needed then I will be more than willing to corporate.” 

“Don’t worry about it and it’s not really a human trait- more like a personal one.” 

The Justicar got off of her and helped her up, “After dinner, then.”

“It’s a date.” Shepard brushed her messy hair back with her hands as she tried to recover. She still had the other crew to take care of and god damned if a cold shower wouldn’t be useful right now. 

“I am looking forward to it, Shepard.” Samara said as she tried to put some respectful distance between them.

“I’ll see you then,” She’ll have to remember to make sure those inconvenient fish tanks were taken care of, dead fish hardly provided ambiance. 

She left her quarters feeling more refreshed. Her communal connection to her crew mates was already making a huge difference. She had no idea how she stood with Samara but the unexpected advancement in their relationship made her feel more confident. It was nice to find a little peace wherever you could find it and perhaps if they had met under different circumstances with different lives, then maybe something beautiful may have transpired. With two weary souls about to face the dawn of battle, why not find a little comfort ? Fuck Cerebrus regulations.

Suddenly her Omni-Tool blinked, indicating someone was trying to reach her directly through a comm referral link. Shepard rolled her eyes as she saw it was Mordin and forced herself to accept the call; she was trying to be nice today.

“Hey Doc, something you forgot ?” She greeted, hoping it was a quick after-thought.

<“Shepard. Big problem. Did you happen to ingest one of the pheromone concentrates on my lab table ?”> The Salarian scientist asked urgently which wasn’t a good thing.

“You mean one of the shot glasses of liquor ?” She corrected him, “Yeah I had one, I’ll pay you back I swear.”

<”Big problem ! It wasn’t liquor. Who leaves out shots of alcohol out so early in the day-cycle ? Ridiculous ! You drank one of the three samples of the pheromone concentrate I formulated over coffee. It is untested and the side-effects will be more daunting since you consumed an entire vial.”>

“It was a shot glass, Mordin. You used shot glasses to store your damn experiments ?” She started to get sick just by thinking about what she had just drank, “Give me the short notes. What will the pheromone stuff do to me ? Should I get my stomach pumped by Dr. Chakwas ? She’s going to be pissed to start her day with another stomach pumping so early in the day-cycle but she’s up for it.”

<”Much too late ! It was a concentrate that directly went into your bloodstream. It made your skin particulate oil with hormone-altering side-effects from scent. Dangerous levels. Affects biological arousal in multiple species, in theory.”>

Her day went up in flames as she leaned against the empty table, suspending her route to make sure Garrus isn’t humping the Normandy’s canons or something. “Biological arousal ? You’re telling me I drank something that makes everybody horny by smell ?” She wasn’t sure how to feel. Pissed he had experiments stored in appetizing dishware or disappointed of her new prospects with Samara, “God damn it, so the thing with Samara was just the stupid shot I took.” It was too good to be true after all. 

<”Yes, saw your vitals spike a moment ago. Concentrate yields promising results so far; a large quantity seems to counter the resolve of a Justicar. Asari physiological effects are confirmed.”>

“Mordin, this isn’t cool ! I thought I really had something going with her and..” Shepard grunted, “No, it had to be real. Maybe it’s just a coincidence. I doubt that shot could do anything in a few minutes.”

<”It is a universal pheromone concentration that influences other biological life-forms’ hormonal activity. Getting side-tracked. You must go to your cabin and lock yourself in there for at least four hours. By then, the oils from your skin will evaporate the concentration’s side-effects.”>

“Four hours ? No offense, doc, but screw that. I plan to have an early turn-in. I think you’re overestimating the shot because everything is calm down here.”

<“Will respect your blatant denial.”>

She ended the link and shrugged off the strange turn-around, certain she didn’t feel any different. As she folded her arms and contemplated what she should do, several of her non-descriptive crew hands entered the galley to wait for Rupert to cook up a breakfast. They didn’t seem any different, whoever the hell they were..she wished she had the time to talk to each tech and immobile sacks of flesh that sit at a console occasionally pretending they were doing something.

“Shepard, I need to speak to you in my office. NOW.” Miranda announced at her as she stood at her doorway with what appeared to be another irritated state.

“Damn it.” Shepard mumbled to herself, failing to escape the predictable web of “protests” about Jack or the informal way she treats some of the alien members of the crew. She wasn’t in the mood for a strongly worded lecture but maybe the genetically engineered woman wanted to have a chat about her sister, Oriana.

Either way, her goal today was to connect with her crew. To be supportive and ensure them that she truly appreciated their efforts up to this point… and that included being the confidant of Dr. Lawson whenever she needed a friend.

Motivating herself to press forward and take the opportunity to catch up with Miranda rather than Garrus first, the Commander followed her second-in-command inside her office. 

With it still being early, she doubted she had the time to find something Jack did to complain about so soon. Her chances of a social setting were pretty good since their friendship had improved. 

As soon as her door clicked shut, Shepard decided to take a dominant role, “Listen, Miranda, it’s going to be days until we start our next move with getting the Reaper IFF. It would be an opportunity for you to relax a little, focus on yourself !”

To her astonishment, the Cerebrus Operative only responded by shoving her against the door; encrypting the door behind them, she pressed herself against her and pinned one arm against her chest while the other supported her right wrist against the steel. 

Shepard felt all of the air escape her lungs at the raven-haired woman drew her face next to hers so their skin would touch. 

“My thoughts exactly, Commander.” A chilling whisper said as it tickled her earlobe. 

“M-Miranda, what are you doing ?” 

“I have been giving it some thought about the Omega-4 Relay. I accept the fact some of us may not survive- that I might not survive- and that makes you think about how you want to spend what time you have left.” 

Shepard tried to break free from her hold with a few jerks but Miranda apparently had farmer’s grip, “Please tell me you want to work on your insecurities..”

“It’s not easy to admit it but I feel like I can trust you, Shepard.”

“You’re giving off a lot of weird signals about it right now but uh-thanks.” She hoped she could speed this up to where she could make a daring escape back to the elevator.

Mordin was right. Until she could retreat to the safe perimeters of her quarters, she was in constant peril.

“I want to have my last time with someone I can trust.” Miranda continued boldly as she kept her face planted between her head and shoulder; Shepard was certain she was smelling her. “Since I have nothing but the utmost respect for you, Shepard, and your history suggests you prefer a feminine type- I thought the arrangement might be beneficial to you.” 

Slapped with another “friends with benefit” offer, the Commander was struck with the similar difficult obstacle. She should have listened to Mordin. “Miranda, think about what you’re saying..is this really you ?”

“We can debate philosophy later.” Miranda breathed into her ear once more, “Take off your pants.”

Miranda has CLEARLY lost her mind and even though they argue at times, the Commander respected the woman. How the hell can she get out of this one ? Mordin’s stupid experiment could destroy what progress they made with their friendship if she turned her down too roughly.

“I am-uh flattered..but..” Her thoughts scrambled as Miranda started stroking the inside of her thighs with a finger, “Wouldn’t it be nicer if it wasn’t in your office ?”

“My bed is further in.”

Damn it.

“No..I mean..we can continue this in my quarters later after dinner.” 

Miranda’s hold on her minimized as relief came to her, “I suppose with the extra security that’s not a bad idea. I want you all to myself, Shepard, and I only want the best.”

“Right. Privacy.” It was clear she needed to leave and get the hell away from everyone and have an urgent word or two with Mordin without it turning into a death threat.

“Have you been talking to that bitch, the Justicar ?” Miranda blurted just before she could attempt to decrypt the door. “I know how you look at her.”

“Haven’t seen her all day !” Shepard gulped as she kept a critical eye on the distance between them. “Anyway. After dinner. We’ll have some time then.” 

Without even waiting for a confirmation, the Commander slipped through her door just as soon as her second-in-command unlocked it from her Omni-Tool. As soon as she made it back to the tables, Shepard activated her Omni-Tool to contact Mordin again.

“Fuck. You. Mordin.” She answered over the channel as soon as she was sure he was on the link.

<”Shepard. Glad to see you have accepted reality.”> He answered cheerfully.

“This was SUPPOSED to be a good day ! Your stuff even affected Miranda, she was coming at me like a hormonal prom queen on her third mojito at the after-party !”

<“I think I’m missing the human translation but it sounds unfavorable. Potent concentrate means potent side-effects. Even Dr. Lawson’s reservations and sexual identity was compromised by the massive hormonal imbalance. Intriguing. The human genome is greatly affected by the formula at this level. Asari as well though that would need another test subject.”> Dr. Solus rambled on as Shepard rubbed the corners of her head in frustration. 

“Your experiment is making everyone horny..what the hell is this project even FOR ?”

<“To locate universal pheromone.”>

“And then what ?”

<”Project done. Move on to the next one.”>

She should have known better than to expect clarification. “I’m happy for you and all that but this is as far I’ll go. We’re going with the original plan- I’m going to my quarters to wait this ‘speed dating’ shit-storm out. “

<”Of course. Should be a couple of hours but I wonder if the amount of the concentrate may be too strong. Your skin’s cells could excrete the oil for much longer.”>

“You said four hours !” Shepard exclaimed as she began to notice several of the nameless crew staring at her intently. She quickly backed away from the table as if they were proximity mines- pretending that she was too busy for them to be tempted to talk to her. 

<”In theory, Shepard. This product has never been tested before.”>

“Can’t I ..you know..just take a shower to get rid of the oil ?” She inspected the skin of her arm to see if she could see the oil but found nothing; it didn’t smell any different either. Damn science. 

<”Your cells will continue to produce the oil until the concentrate runs out. The only solution is time.”>

Son of a bitch. It looks like she’ll spend her day in self-quarantine so she won’t be groped or raped.

“Mordin, we are going to have a serious talk after all this but right now..I think I’m in trouble.” She said with a lowered tone as some of the men and women stood up from the table. They came closer to her that caused her to back away slowly towards the Main Battery where Garrus was. 

She ended the call to consolidate her focus towards her pursuers. Their expressions were vacant as if they were staring at something shiny; their pupils were notably dilated. 

Her heart thundered against her chest, uncertain what to do. She should have gone to the elevator. 

‘Okay, Shepard, stay calm. Let’s approach this mishap methodically.’ She thought to herself as she felt like a disgruntled dancer at Omega’s Afterlife to be objectified. They glared at her as if they were hungry for something else. 

Weapons ? 

Shepard quickly felt around her pockets, even though she knew she was absolutely defenseless. It wasn’t as if she would shoot ANY of her crew but a pistol’s handle makes a great melee weapon if things get absurdly physical. It was too bad she already passed the kitchen, she could have easily grabbed a knife or a strong enough blunt object to smack them until they were unconscious. This wasn’t her day today.

One man got closer, trying to plaster on a friendly face, “Commander, is there something you need ?

“Or someone ?” Suggested a woman with blonde hair.

‘Okay, no weapon. No problem. I have my fists. I have fought through brawls before.’ Shepard continued to mentally reason with herself, ‘But there seems to be a lot of them...if any of them were smart- they could easily grab me and hold me down and-’

Shepard swallowed hard, “G-Garrus. I need Garrus !” She quickly rushed to the Main Battery’s door and slammed her hand on the button to open it as the starved intruders rushed over to her to try to get more of her attention. 

As if she were leaping out of a detonated explosion, Shepard flopped inside the room and quickly encrypted the door behind her. She leaned her back against the cold steel, sweating as she tried to catch her breath from the stress of the situation while Garrus glared at her in confusion.


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard rolled herself to the workbench on the right side and grabbed the Turian’s sniper rifle that he was undoubtedly rigging up for his next field mission, as if a Javalen Sniper could use any custom work but she wasn’t about to waste time thinking about it. She pointed it at Garrus’s head as clawing sounds followed behind the encrypted door. 

She pointed the rifle at Garrus’s head with one knee on the floor for stability.

“What the hell, Shepard ?!” Her old friend exclaimed as he raised his hands in the air to indicate his immediate surrender.

He SEEMED normal but she kept her focus, keeping her aim upon him, “You’re my friend, Garrus, so I’m not going to bullshit you. Answer me ONE question.” She had to be sure. 

The knocking and incoherent shouts from the other side of the door followed as the Turian glared at her with his mandibles clicking in a rapid succession.

“Do you..” She drew a long aggravated sigh, hardly believing she was forced to ask her friend the question, “..want to have sex with me ?”

Garrus’s mandibles immediately stopped twitching as he glared at her in disbelief; determining she was serious from her silence, he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, “I...am flattered and all, Shepard, but I consider you family-it would be like dating my sister and the thought of us being anything more than friends makes me physically ill. No offense.” He coughed as she lowered his sniper rifle with a groan of relief. “Is this how humans find a mate or am I missing something ?”

“Thank fuckin’ God, Garrus. I need help !” The Commander said as she stood up and hugged the sniper rifle to her chest to feel a sense of safety as the shouts and knocking grew louder and numerous. She went to her Omni-Tool and called Mordin again.

<”Shepard. Did you make it to the elevator ? Suspect the potency of the concentrate is affecting the crew on the C.I.C. EDI has the Normandy on auto-pilot. Joker is..indisposed.”>

“What do you mean, indisposed ?” She had to ask, her best pilot did have Vrolik Syndrome. The man could break a leg by tripping over a wire. 

<”There is no need to worry. He is unharmed. For now. Wonder how long he will stay locked in the Debriefing Room with baby oil.”>

“Oh GROSS! God damn it, how the HELL is everyone affected up there while I’m down here ?” She started to pace around the Main Battery as Garrus watched in bewilderment; the knocking at the door became more aggressive.

<”Air vents. The scent from the oil of your skin is so resilient that it’s effects transcend an impressive distance through the oxygen recycle supply system. Everyone should be infected onboard.”>

“Infected ? What the hell is going on ?” Garrus finally blurted.

”That’s where you’re WRONG, Mordin ! Garrus isn’t compromised. He doesn’t find me the least bit attractive, thank God.” Shepard countered, hoping to minimize the Salarian’s sickening confidence just a bit. 

<”Truly ? Interesting ! Formula could use more refinement concerning Turian physiology. More work to do. Looking forward to it.”> Mordin chimed with genuine appeasement. <”I am relieved that you are not in discomfort, Shepard, I will note that you find Turians unfavorable in terms of intimate exploration.”>

“WHOA ! Did you just pull the “race-card” on ME ? I’m not a fuckin’ racist ! I find Turians attractive- it’s just that Garrus is my best friend !” She protested all too fervently.

<”I see. Platonic symbiosis. That will have to be discussed at another time. But now, trouble. Jacob and the crew are trying to access the elevator to get to you. Had EDI restrict access only to your DNA for now. “>

That was quick thinking on his part and EDI’s usefulness as an A.I was turning out to be the best damn thing to ever happen on the Normandy. 

“Okay, someone TELL me what’s going on or I’ll open this door.” Garrus declared as he jokingly went to his Omni-Tool to unlock the encryption, to get Shepard’s attention.

The Commander impulsively punched him in the gut; frightened at the thought of a stampede of horny personnel dog-piling her, “NO !”

Garrus coughed as he leaned forward, recovering from the impact, “I was just..joking. Damn.. you punch like a Krogan.”

“Sorry, Garrus, I am in the middle of hell and right now and I could use your help.” 

“Lay it on me. What are we dealing with ?” 

They went over to EDI’s intercom on the left side of the room; Shepard returned to her comm link with Mordin while she considered his question, “Mordin. I’m cornered with Garrus in the Main Battery. The crew is probably rubbing their junk all over the damn door so getting out is going to be tough. I need a second so I’ll call you back.”

<”Will be ready to help.”>

She ended the call as Garrus grew more impatient, “To make it simple, I drank one of Mordin’s experiments a moment ago- mistaking it for a shot of booze. It’s some kind of pheromone potency that makes everyone lust after me like Liara lusts after anything Prothean-related.” He simply stared at her with a ‘you’re shitting me’ expression. “I’m SERIOUS. Do you hear them all out there ? They want to have a piece of me ! Even Samara and Miranda tried to get in my pants.” She handed him back his sniper rifle, “Do you know what’s weird ? Just from the two of them, their advances seem to be for a ‘pity fuck’ and NOTHING ELSE- like a meaningful relationship ! I mean, I know it’s probably just the drug making them crazy but it’s a real blow to my self-esteem. It’s been a rough morning, Garrus.”

He took a moment to digest the predicament, listening to the finger-nail scratching patterns from the door, “Alright..I understand the ‘everyone is horny over you’ part..but there’s something I don’t get. Why would Mordin put something that dangerous in a shot glass ?”

“I know, right ! So, we have no idea how long this concentrate will last but the plan is to wait it out in my room.”

Garrus released a tired breath, articulating the difficulties ahead of them, “Just for clarification..this isn’t just a drill exercise, is it ? Because this is very immersive.”

“No ! It’s not a drill.” She assured him, wishing that it were.

“Just checking. I’m with you, Shepard.” He agreed, checking out the door, “So, we are outnumbered and a straight shot to the elevator will be difficult. The only weapon we have is my rifle but I take it that we don’t want to hurt anybody, seeing that they’re allies out of their minds.”

“I mean, if we have to, we can use a LITTLE physical violence if that’s what it takes for me not to be molested- but we can’t seriously injure them.” She confirmed, wondering how many she had to deal with outside. 

Garrus awkwardly cracked his knuckles, “Even the Cerebrus personnel ? I mean, we don’t even know what they actually do on the Normandy except to stare at the Normandy’s terminals on the C.I.C. I swear I saw one of the humans watching one of those Blasto movies on one the other day.”

“No one gets seriously hurt, Garrus. So, do you have any ideas on how we should proceed ?”

They listened as a curt couple of bangs transpired from the other side of the door, followed by a man’s voice, “You don’t have a chance in HELL, asshole ! Shepard likes the feminime types and I fit the category !”

“Bullshit ! Shepard needs a man that’s strong enough to keep up with her. I have the experience and the know-how to satisfy that perfect woman’s needs. I can even cook and fix her toilets, women love handymen !” Shouted back his contender, who could only be Rupert.

“Both of you are dead wrong ! Shepard likes WOMEN, plain and simple. With my tits and sensibilities, we’re perfect for eachother !” Announced a confident woman close to them. 

Shepard buried her face into her hands as the nausea swept over her, “Jesus..”

“It sounds like they’re getting territorial. Not good. The longer you’re here, the more likely they’ll resort to beating the crap out of each other.” Garrus summarized, tapping one of his fingers against his rifle as he contemplated a plan, “The elevator is only accessible to your signature so that gives us an advantage to control our environment, we would only have to deal with who is on this floor but are you sure quarantining yourself in your cabin is the best option ?”

“What do you mean ?”

“If they’re getting violent then there’s a chance they’re going to be competing against one another until Mordin’s experiment wears off and we don’t know how long that will be. By the time that happens, someone could already be killed- I mean, we have some pretty powerful biotics onboard AND a Krogan.”

She hadn’t considered the possibility, “Damn it, it’s like sharks swimming in a tank full of Thessian Sunfish. You’re right !” She went back to Mordin’s comm link.

“What’s with you and fish ?” Her friend mumbled.

”Mordin, they’re getting very possessive from where I’m standing and I’m worried about them hurting each other while this pheromone stuff is active. Is there a way to prevent casualties ?” She asked, hoping the genius had some ideas.

<”Problematic but interesting. Situation emulates interspecific AND intraspecific competition among the infected species.”> Dr. Solus mused. <”You see, Shepard, the concentrate’s potency has caused such a strain to their hormonal processes that they are exercising their species’ biological requirements to compete for a single resource. You.”>

“I didn’t want a biology lesson, I-”

<”-it’s ecology. Technically.”>

Shepard and Garrus exchanged a hard eye-roll.

“Let’s focus, doc, is there a way to, yknow, put them all asleep until this shit-storm is over ?” She asked. It will set them back in terms of proceeding with their mission on taking down the Collectors but the severity of the situation required immediate action.

<”Yes ! Can release a sedative gas through the vents with EDI’s help.”> He said with optimism. 

NOW they were getting somewhere ! “That sounds promising. EDI, can you do it ?” She asked the A.I’s intercom within the Main Battery. It was almost like how she installed the doctor’s cure into Omega’s ventilation.

Her mini blue hologram popped up, “Yes, once Mordin deploys the sedative, I can distribute it through the Normandy’s air ducts with your permission.”

<”Since it is unknown how long the pheromone’s effects will last, will use a strong dose to guarantee all species’ susceptibility.”> Mordin theorized.

“Great ! Let’s do it !”

<”Once you get to your cabin, send word to start proceedings.”>

“Uh-not meaning to sound pessimistic but the sedative isn’t going to hurt anybody is it ?” Garrus asked.

<”Minimum risks. Acceptable conditions.”>

“I don’t care if it just gives them all a stomach ache, we’re doing it while my dignity is still intact !” Shepard insisted; the Turian would be singing a different tune if the shoe was on the other foot and she’d like to think she would protect him with everything she had to keep him from being traumatized.

“Alright, Shepard. That just leaves us with the challenge of getting to the elevator.” He said, returning to the big obstacle that stood between her and safety. 

The symphony of voices clucked wildly outside the door.

<”Will be challenging. Suggest you retrieve mild pain-killers from Med-Bay to use as a defensive counter maneuver, should things become too drastic.”> Mordin suggested again. <”Dr. Chakwas always keeps a supply of syringes already pre-filled for use.”>

She had no idea HOW he knew that but the idea would give them more of an edge to impair stronger and more aggressive opposition. Even though she and Garrus made a great team, their conditions were restrictive and she doubted he could handle close combat with more than three challengers. 

Her friend stared at her, “I like to think I’m flexible with doing what’s necessary to beat the odds but we’re talking about injecting MORE drugs into our comrades. And Mordin, you’re a doctor, how could you suggest it ?”

<”Wouldn’t recommend it if it weren’t for the escalation in hostility from the infected’s sexual frustration. Consider the alternative.”>

“He’s right. If they’re high and stupid, we will be able to get to the elevator without breaking their faces in during resistance.” Shepard finally agreed, “I don’t like it but we’ll have the advantage and it’s not like we’re going to stab everyone with a needle that gets too close- it’s for extreme counter measures.”

“So..then our first step is to get to the Med-Bay. We can barricade ourselves in if we need to- EDI can put a firewall on the door to give us time before we run for the elevator.” Garrus strategarized; she could always trust his tactical expertise. 

“Then we have a plan. EDI, standby for further orders. Mordin, how can you install the sedative in the air vents if the ventilation shaft is on the engineering deck ?” 

<”Easily. Can grab a grenade launcher from the armory next door and make a few modifications to shoot the vial compound into the vent from my laboratory. I can have the sedative’s liquid evaporate into a gas upon impact. Automatic dispersal.”>

The armory was close to him and he wasn’t in any danger with the others on the C.I.C deck, even if he were- he could handle himself. Still, she didn’t like the thought of-

“-Wait a minute. How come YOU’RE not affected by the pheromones ?” She asked.

<”Salarians lack romantic and biological impulses in our physiology. We are physically and emotionally incapable of having sexual attraction since our version of a pituitary gland doesn’t produce the hormones like it would with humans or asari.”> He explained as-a-matter-of-factly.

Then why the HELL was he working on the experiment in the first place if it had no benefit to him or to his people ? Shepard stopped herself from gravitating towards the subject, she was already getting a headache.

“That’s...great. If you’re going to deploy the sedative, you should protect yourself from the gas or else it’s a long nap for you.”

<”Will take precautions.”>

“Then let’s get on with this before they break the door.” Garrus said as he stretched his arms and rolled around his neck to loosen his muscles. 

“Okay. I’ll update you on our progress. Shepard out.” She ended the comm link. Inspecting Garrus, she couldn’t feel any more relieved and proud that her Turian friend remained by her side after everything they have been through. “Are you ready, Garrus ?” 

“Please. I was in C-Sec, remember ? This is what we’re going to do..I’m going to go in first and draw in their...advances.” He shuddered as he mentioned it, repositioning his grasp on his sniper rifle, “With luck, we’ll make it to the Med-Bay and close it off. Let’s do this !”

Shepard stayed close behind Garrus as they opened the door. As expected, they were immediately met with a crowd of drooling Cerebrus crew, more than Shepard had guessed. 

Garrus used his sniper rifle to push them away as they came forward in an explosive symphony of excited voices, calling out for their Commander’s attention. 

“Get back, all of you !” Her friend commanded with a strong authoritative voice. 

“God damn it, I didn’t know we had this many onboard- where the hell do they sleep ?” Shepard managed to say between grunts as they slowly inched themselves forward. The Med-Bay might as well be miles away with the amount of resistance they were getting. 

One man with a crew-cut squeezed through the giddy cluster, shoving Rupert aside, “ Wait a minute, that bastard is claiming Shepard and he’s not even human !” 

What little of Shepard’s confidence dwindled as Garrus stiffened in alert.

“Damn Turians..thinking they can just take anything.” Grumbled someone in the back as more men and women began exchanging their ill-educated racist opinions. 

“Get HIM !” An angry woman howled. 

“Oh crap !” Garrus grunted, horrified.

The crowd of willful admirers turned into a mob as they charged at Garrus together-causing him to lose his balance. He quickly side-stepped and smacked their hands away with the rifle as Shepard continued to stay close-feeling absolutely helpless. She felt hands begin to grab at her from various directions as Garrus busied himself trying to carve their way through to get to the Med-Bay. He slammed the end of his sniper against Rupert’s stomach and kicked two to knock them into the cluster in front of him.

A woman with blonde hair and blue eyes- that looked ridiculously young to be working on a starship- managed to squirm behind the Commander and pull her away from her protector. 

With surprising strength, she spun her around, “Shepard, I’m all yours !” She, then, seized her Commander’s hands and shoved them upon her breasts, “And I’m one hundred-percent natural, baby.”

“Oh GOD !” Shepard blurted as she snatched her hands away, fearing that she had groped a minor (she doubted Cerebrus had enough ethics to have age restrictions in their ranks). 

A crew-man shoved the woman aside, “Commander, I can be at the bottom !” As if that was some kind of prize-winning come-on one would expect at a desperate singles’ bar. 

“No ! Get away !” She yelled, stepping away.

Garrus noticed her distress as he knee-crotched his current challenger, “Shepard, hang on !” 

Several hands grabbed her shoulders-trying to keep her further away from him, “This isn’t working !” They were still disappointingly far from the Med-Bay. 

Garrus grabbed her arm and pulled her against him, breaking her free from their hold, “Back-to-back, let’s move it !”

She wasn’t about to let it all end here. 

Shepard quickly turned around and pressed her back against his, committing herself to never part from him until they reached their destination. For a moment, they breathlessly punched and kicked whoever came close enough to analyze their path ahead. 

As soon as there was a small intermission, Garrus tapped her back with his left elbow, “Let’s move !”

They took several steps further until they were met with another wave of restless deviants. It soon became an endless pattern for them both to aspire to- taking what small victories they can with every inch they mastered between beatings. Shepard couldn’t help but compare her pursuers to husks; if they weren’t trying to sexually harass her AND they were all naked and painted black-then she wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. 

“Get the hell off of me !” Shepard hollered as she punched a man in the chest that caused him to stagger backwards and slam into another who managed to have his trousers down to his knees. The injured party-shoved him back in retaliation and after a few moments, they focused on eachother like a pair of varren fighting over a piece of meat. “My GOD, they’re animals !”

“Don’t lose your nerve now, we’re almost there !” Garrus encouraged her with the optimism that she sorely needed. 

Finally seeing the Med-Bay windows, Shepard mustered up her confidence as Garrus gained momentum. He chuckled as he shoved the last cluster in front of him with his sniper rifle-providing them a beautiful opening to swing around the corner to the door. While digesting their position, they also realized the elevator was a straight shot as well.

“I mean, we made it this far, Shepard. We COULD skip the syringes and haul ass to the elevator while the way is clear. So far, this is easier than I thought it would be.” The Turian said, reading her mind. 

“We might be better off.” Shepard agreed, they had a golden opportunity and their opposition was losing steam- their broken formation had them at a disadvantage. The entire point to getting the pain-killers was to impair their opponents, the Cerebrus crew had little compared to both of their experience on the battlefield. 

Rupert recovered enough to try to make another confrontation with Garrus- coming up with the idiotic approach of charging at him to knock him aside with a war cry. The Turian simply head-butted him with enough force to make him fly backwards- landing on the cold steel floor unconscious. A part of her hoped he was okay but the other part of her was satisfied- hoping he would stay the hell down. The thought of the old man man-handling her again did nothing for her nausea. 

Garrus shrugged after he inspected his handiwork, “It was gentle enough. I’m sure he’ll be fine. Cerebrus doesn’t train their people sufficiently, I am barely working up a sweat !”

Just as he said it, the crew got a second wind and came forward again. They prepared themselves for another wave when Thane Krios came onto the scene, sprinting from his quarters in the Life Support. With speed and sharp precision, the assassin plowed through the Cerebrus mob- punching and flipping over the bodies away from their position. 

“Don’t worry, Siha. I will protect you.” He said serenely as if the situation wasn’t even a challenge. 

One by one, men and women were knocked unconscious- forming a pile at their feet as he seemed to distribute pressure-point techniques against their necks with a press of his green fingers. They were re-introduced to a clearer path as half of the crew were rendered unconscious while the others were tremendously out of it from Thane’s offensive maneuver-twitching on the ground as they tried to find their footing. 

Shepard drew a sigh of relief as Thane approached them, “Thank God, Thane, you’re not affected either. You can help us to-”

With a horrifying speed, the drell took her hand and pulled her against him as he wrapped his other arm around her waist. He slightly dipped her while he stared longingly into her eyes as if they were reenacting some cheesy romantic vid, “Even though I am dying, you have taught me how to live, Siha. Before I leave my body, I would like to know you deeper.”

It was as if she were driving the MAKO all over again-flying through the air from an unsuccessful ascension up a hill that she thought she could maneuver. 

“Oh fu-”

The Drell’s lips handed upon hers in HIS rendition of a passionate kiss before she could think to kick him in the balls (that she HOPED was conveniently located outside his body and between his legs like a human male) to get him to back off. Upon the chapped yet warm contact of his skin, her senses flared as if Mordin had already deployed the sedative in the vents. She felt her body weakened exceptionally- and the shapes and colors that she could see became hazy; the overall feeling reminded her of her younger days when all she required for a decent evening was a bong and a deep dish pizza on Earth. 

Garrus grabbed Thane by the shoulder and yanked him away from her, causing her to wearily try to stand straight, “Damn it, Thane, stay away from her !”

It was too much to hope that the well-accomplished assassin would be in a position to help them. The said Drell stood erect before Garrus-inspecting his challenger with consideration in an eerie calm silence. While Shepard tried to come to her senses as the floor beneath her feet appeared to manifest into a squiggy terrain she couldn’t balance on, Garrus took an offensive stance- accepting his new-found misfortune of facing a difficult foe. She doubted Turian, in all of his military training, could come close to challenging someone who had been trained to be a sufficient killer since childhood. 

“Don’t make me do this, Thane. Stand down.” Garrus said in an attempt to command an unlikely compliance. He had to be nervous, Shepard never knew him to be naive- he always calculated his risks and disadvantages in every circumstance and there was no way in hell he could knock Thane down like another one of his non-challenging opponents a moment ago. 

“I know how to properly disarm and incapacitate a Turian in three moves or less, Garrus.” Thane stated factually as if they were having a light-hearted conversation.

“Talk is cheap.” 

“I accept your challenge. May the better man win.” 

Shepard swallowed as she was suddenly overcome with a bad case of cotton-mouth; she watched Garrus charge at Thane with the courage of an entire platoon- opting to knock him out with his Javelin rifle. Thane easily ducked with the fluid articulation of a seasoned dancer and punched a spot on his chest that was three inches away from his right shoulder. The impact and curious decision of his strike produced immediate results, Garrus let out a monstrous throaty cough and staggered backwards. 

“No, Thane, don’t hurt him !” Shepard ordered but her authority was about as useful as the stockpiles of mineral resources she had painstakingly gathered from system to system to this point; there was no way in fuck she was ever going to use it.

Garrus’s instant lax in defense gave the Drell the perfect opportunity to deploy another punch across his face-escorted with a hard elbow jab into his gut. 

The Turian gasped as he landed on the floor with one knee-trying to catch his breath as if he had just run a marathon. He used one end of his sniper rifle to prop himself up without fully falling on the floor. If he goes down, it is over. Thane must had used another pressure-point method suitable for Garrus’s anatomy, even effective against his armor. 

“Damn it, he’s good.” Garrus grumbled in worry but his confidence returned when Thane came closer to deliver a conclusive blow; he used his close proximity to swing his rifle at his legs.

The Drell simply hopped to deflect it and formed a fist-intending it to crash into Garrus’s skull during his landing; Shepard quickly leapt in front of her friend-blocking his projected path.

He stopped his course as the Commander tried to make sense of his face. All of the sudden, the deep dark crevasses that represented his eyes turned into two black whirlpools and the green frills that protruded out of his head resembled the ends of a feather duster colored green. The analysis caused her to giggle, despite the intensity of the situation.

“Siha ? Are you well ?” Thane asked out of concern, attempting to reach out to her and brush his fingers against her shoulder affectionately- she clumsily push his hand away as her fit of giggles progressed. 

“I can’t...you’re infected, Thane...Thaine ? Thomassss.” She slurred without control over her vowels, “You’re NOT well, I command you to step aside and LETTUCE CLASP-uh..let us pass !”

Sensing something was tremendously wrong, Garrus summoned his strength to stand straight while stabilizing her posture by grabbing her arm.

Before Thane could respond, the conscious Cerebrus crew managed to recover and instantly charged at their new competition. The assassin quickly shifted his focus on the group as Garrus pulled Shepard backwards towards the Med-Bay door.

“Hurry while he’s distracted !” He issued urgently as Shepard found the sight of a green feather- duster punching humans hilarious.

He shoved her inside as the door closed behind them and quickly went to work to secure the lock, “EDI, secure this door with every firewall encryption you have ! NOW !” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mishap continues ! Now that I know where I'm going with this, the chapters will likely get to five.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard allowed herself to sink to the floor and leaned her back against the red-colored divide that separated them from the shit-show outside. She took a breath to try to control her laughing fit that continued to force itself through her as Garrus ensured they were safe for the moment.

They both examined the Med-Bay interior, concluding they were alone and analyzed what was happening outside from the large glass windows on the left side. They could see Thane kicking everyone’s ass; at one point, they saw a young man fly in the air like a limp cooked noodle.

On one hand, they were relieved Thane provided a necessary distraction for them to escape. On the other, he was seriously hurting the crazed crew that could put Grunt to shame. 

“Thane is going to kill them. We need to move fast and get the pain-killers; with luck, we can slow him down.” Garrus said as he began the process of searching through Dr. Chakwas’s cabinets, “Are you okay, Shepard ? You seem..out of it.”

The Commander remained on the floor, wiping the sweat that trickled down the sides of her face. She watched the Turian move across the room, trying to make sense of the texture of his skin as if it were a new detail she never noticed before, “I feel likeeee I just snorted a pharmacy, Garrus. I think Thane did something to me. You find the syringes and I’ll update Mordin and see if he has the sedative ready.” 

As he proceeded to dig through a concerning amount of empty Service Brandy bottles from the bottom cabinets, Shepard eventually patched herself through to Mordin’s private comm-link (after discovering she somehow had Solitaire on her Omni-Tool).

“Yo, Morphine..Morris..MORDIN !” She said with difficulty as the Med-Bay’s lighting seemed to disorient her, “We made it to the Med-Bay and we’re bunkered down. We’re getting the syringes now but...had a run in with Thane. He’s already beating the shit out of the crew outside so..the situation is desperate.”

<”Hm ? Oh ! Drell physiology affected, thank you for your update !”> He responded with genuine interest; failing to see how difficult their circumstances were.

“How is the sedative coming, doc ?”

<”Already providing modifications to the grenade launcher, Shepard. Two minutes. Calculated feasible dose to fumigate the entire ship adequately.”> He sounded as though he was pacing around his laboratory, in the process of finishing up his task. <”I have strange readings of your vitals, are you injured ?”>

She wondered how the HELL the Salarian had immediate access to her life-signs in the first place but she was willing to let it slide for now, “Uh- no, man, I think Thane roofied me or something when he kissed me and as a result, I am smelling colors.”

Garrus proceeded to search through the upper cabinets, tossing datapads and cotton swabs over his shoulder with determination. 

<”That is from oral contact from his skin. Produces natural toxins that have an hallucinogenic effect on other species, much like a psychotropic drug. It should wear off momentarily. Suggest you wait to head to elevator to gain full control of your mental processes.”>

It took her all of three minutes to process the information as she wiped her face with her hand, “Are you saying that kissing Thane is the equivalency of licking a toad to get high ?”

<”For humans. Most certainly.”>

She couldn’t help but to surrender to another laughing fit as Garrus retrieved a red-colored case. He unzipped it to inspect rows of filled syringes, just as Mordin had described- and turned to Shepard with his back facing the A.I. Core room. Shepard tried to cover her mouth with her hand to stop but the more she thought about it, the funnier it was. 

Garrus worriedly inspected her, stepping forward but was immediately stopped by stepping on a strange piece of cloth. He picked it up and examined it for a moment- only to realize it was a lacy thong. He quickly tossed it aside in disgust as Shepard laughed harder. 

“Uh, Mordin, how long will it take until Shepard comes out of it ?” He asked loud enough for him to hear from her Omni-Tool.

<”Ten minutes maximum. The toxin’s effects are fast-acting, nothing to be concerned about. Did you find the syringes ?”>

“Got them. Now, I guess all we need to do is wait for Shepard to get-uh..sober and then we’ll make a retreat to the elevator. Hopefully Thane won’t don’t much more damage.” Just as he finished, they heard a painful scream outside.

Shepard hiccuped as she tried to control herself while watching her friend shake his head at her for the trouble he has been roped into so far. Before he could say something to cement his frustrations, the A.I Core door opened and in walked Dr. Chakwas. Shepard’s distorted sensibilities came to an end when she witnessed her come up from behind Garrus and stabbed his hand with a syringe. 

“OH SHIT !” Shepard cried out as Garrus shouted in surprise and dropped to his knees from the impact of whatever the hell Chakwas injected him with. 

As if she were a trained infiltrator with nimble fingers, she hand-cuffed the Turian’s other hand onto one of the legs of the medical beds on the right side of the room, which was bolted to the floor. To their horror, the injection caused his entire right arm to go limp as if it were detached from its shoulder; he flopped on the floor like a fresh caught fish. 

“Oh CRAP !” He exclaimed, trying to sever the seemingly indestructible pair of hand-cuffs off of him. 

Dr. Chakwas tossed the empty syringe aside and casually walked over to Shepard as if what she had done was procedure; bearing a cold indifference. She was infected too !

<”Shepard ? What’s the situation ?”> Mordin demanded more urgently after hearing the skirmish.

“Oh fuck..fuck..FUCK. Mordin, the situation is NOT under control- we locked ourselves in with one of them !” She bellowed as she tried to stand up; Dr. Chakwas straddled her lap to hold her down-ending the comm-link from her Omni-Tool with a single finger. 

“Now, now, Commander, just relax and let me take your temperature.” The elder woman grinned slyly.

Her intoxication from Thane’s kiss evolved into instant sobriety as Shepard found herself at the mercy of a woman she respected over the years since her days in the Alliance. It was foolish to think she wouldn’t be affected and surprisingly agile when it came to dominance. The front of her Cerebrus uniform was unzipped, showing the swell of her ample breasts.

“Fuck, Dr.Chakwas-it got to you too ?! Oh God, listen to me..this isn’t YOU !” The Commander squealed in discomfort as Garrus continued trying to break free from the doctor’s clever ambush. His right arm was useless as he squirmed like a crippled Thresher Mall.

“Doctor, get a hold of yourself !” He begged her, which indicated his helplessness.

Ignoring him, Dr. Chakwas pulled out another pre-filled syringe from between her breasts with the grace of a seductive dancer- the sight of it caused Shepard to reassess her ability to escape her hold. Even though she was cornered on the floor, she had reservations about harming the woman in any shape or form-even if her sensibilities were distorted. Sure, she’s willing to kick the balls of her other esteemed colleagues but THEY can fight back. Dr. Chakwas was a damn healer who believed in her to leave her respectable position in the Alliance and join her fight against the Collectors. 

Shepard gulped as she removed the cap from the needle.

“It has been years since I have indulged, Commander.” The doctor said loftily, pressing more of her weight onto her lap to pin her legs down more securely. It would be too easy to knock her off of her with a simple shove but it was the equivalency of assaulting her mother.

Garrus resorted to using his legs to slowly reach and pull the red case of syringes he found a moment ago. Due to his size and impairment, the endeavor was difficult to achieve good enough precision to slide the case to his remaining working hand that was still hand-cuffed to the bed. 

Dr. Chakwas slid the zipper of her uniform further down before Shepard could think of anything to say to get her to stop. She’d like to think their respect for each other could transcend a hormone altering stimuli but the same thing could have been said of Thane- who resumed beating the shit out of the frenzied Cerebrus crew outside. 

“Please, Karin, think about this- try to remember why you’re here. We’re friends ! We have been through so much together !” Shepard tried again to distract her as she noted that Garrus was getting close to moving the case closer to his hand. If the man had tried yoga ONCE in a awhile, the task would be less strenuous but maybe that just has to do with his anatomical short-comings. Still, she had to give credit to his determination and knew where he was getting at.

  
  


“And we’re about to go through a hell of a lot more.” Dr. Chakwas chimed, spreading apart the fabric of her top to reveal her stunning figure. 

“Dr. Chakwas, I- “ Shepard’s line of thought was disrupted by how infinitely attractive the older woman was. She had the body of a twenty-five year old who works out five times a damn week. The curvature of her flat torso glistened as if it had been recently moisturized. By the familiar scent of the oil, Shepard concluded it was baby oil- HER baby oil !

Garrus kicked the case close enough to his hand to be able to frumble with the zipper as Shepard shifted her focus on the syringe that the doctor was getting ready to inject into her forearm, “By all means, Garrus can watch. I prepared a little ‘something’ to enhance the gratification.”

She tried to pull her arm away but Dr. Chakwas countered it by assertively grabbing her other hand and placing it upon one of her breasts. The distraction worked; Shepard was automatically drawn in by what felt like a small pillow case full of thick pancake batter. It was an anomaly she couldn’t transcribe-altering her defensiveness to one of curiosity. 

Garrus grabbed a syringe from the back and threw it at Shepard’s vicinity-where she could reach it with ease.

Instead of using the only opportunity to escape from the doctor’s seduction, Shepard continued to gawk at Dr. Chakwas’s form as the needle got closer to the inside of her elbow, “Damn, doc..you’re impressive..”

“DAMN IT, Shepard, FOCUS !” Garrus demanded.

His loud outburst caused her to snap out of it and realized the pain-killer was her only chance to stop this madness- however sensual it turned out to be; the Commander made a mental note to examine her surprising attraction towards older women in general. 

With remorse, the Commander grabbed the syringe that Garrus threw at her and jammed it on the side of Dr. Chakwas’s neck and released the compound into her bloodstream. Dr. Chakwas released her syringe (that was likely loaded with the strongest aphrodisiacs available) and fell backwards. Shepard quickly caught her and laid her down gently on the floor, noting she was sufficiently fucked up. 

“Jesus Christ, how much is in those things ?” Shepard said, worried whether or not they were responsible for her overdose. She quickly scanned her with her Omni-Tool and found her vitals to be stable enough to be left alone. She still didn’t like the idea that she stabbed a friend in the neck to tranquilize her. 

Shepard went to Garrus and unlocked the cuffs with the key she found in Chakwas’s bra. It was amazing how much the woman could store in there. Cleavages...God’s pockets.

“What the HELL is wrong with you?” The Turian grunted.

“I couldn’t help it, the woman has the body of an amazon for some reason ! I mean, god- DAYMNN !”

“She’s gotta be twice your age.”

“And that made it even more attractive. I’m learning a lot about myself today.”

“I’m glad you’re having some entertainment.” He said with an irritated grunt as he sat up from the floor.

“Are you alright, Garrus ?” She asked as he took his time to find his footing. To their dismay, his right arm dangled against his body as if it were detached. “Fuck, what did she do to you ?”

“If I had to guess, she injected me with some kind of nerve blockers that you would use for surgery. It will take hours to gain full-use but we have to keep moving, Shepard.” 

He picked up the red case and tossed it at her to catch and proceeded to pick up his sniper rifle. Now that he only had one functional arm, he was only able to carry it clumsily against his left side, “ With the loss of my arm, defending ourselves from the resistance will be more difficult. The pain-killers should compensate, though.”

They examined Dr. Chakwas in a debilitated state; she had her eyes rolled up to her skull for a moment as the Med-Bay’s lights blinded her. Then she drifted to sleep with a bit of drool on the corners of her mouth. 

“Yeah...about that..do you think these syringes are TOO strong ? I mean, the doc looks like she had just been hit by a rhinoceros tranquilizing dart.”

“I am not sure what that means but she’s still breathing, so she’s okay. The dose just proves that it's potent enough to take care of Thane and any others. Are you ready, Shepard ? Do you think we can make it to the elevator ?”

They stood in front of the door as they examined what else was happening outside from the windows. Thane was still distracted with the determined crew, throwing Rupert’s limp body at a group of them for good measure. The sounds of the painful cries that transpired made them shudder. After the chaos, they were going to have issues with their stock of medical supplies to treat everyone’s injuries. 

“I’m still a little groggy but I think I’m coming out of it. We need to take our chance while Thane is still distracted.” Shepard finally said, grabbing three syringes from the case into her right clutch for a sense of security. 

The elevator was a brief sprint away. They could do it. 

Like two injured soldiers on an overwhelming battlefield, Shepard and Garrus nodded at each other in a silent affirmation. 

“EDI, remove the firewall encryptions. We’re going in !” The Commander ordered.

The door’s red glowing lock quickly shifted back to green for access. Knowing Garrus was severely impaired to take a frontal position like before, Shepard took her place in front of him. If they run, they will be able to reach the elevator without any obstacles.

“Wait, Shepard.” Her friend said before she opened the door. 

She turned, sensing he had something important to say.

“Just in case this thing goes sideways..” He said with a grim look-as if he was already saying his goodbyes, “Name your first born after me.”

“You’re a fuckin’ asshole, Vakarian.” She slammed her first on the green access button.

They were immediately met by the gruesome scenery of the state of the mess hall and kitchen. The large table had been broken in half by the impact of an unconscious crew member being thrown upon it. He appeared to still be breathing upon a nest of debris. The kitchen’s cabinet doors were ripped open and food was littered all across the proximity. Several knives were implanted on the ceiling and walls as several coils and wiring hung like vines as if they were party streamers clumsily put up by drunkards. At least twenty unconscious people laid motionlessly across the terrain-as if they were the casualties from a detonated grenade. 

“Oh shit.” The Commander could only utter as they gawked at the remains of the Crew Deck. She fiercely wondered if any of the damages would affect the Normandy’s power; the detached wiring and coils looked troubling, “EDI, what are the damages so far ? Is the Normandy still functional ?”

“There are no distinctive problems related to the ship’s essential systems, Shepard. However, a breach in the power grid on the Crew Deck impaired the water heater faculties.” She answered.

“No hot water ? DAMN IT.” But her brief worry subsided when she noted the blood smears across the floor from Thane’s onslaught. 

The said assassin was still fighting off who was still left standing near the kitchen, taking his time to deflect the laughable offensive maneuvers the crew were using to resist defeat. Had he been serious with fighting them, the thing would have been over by now. He was playing with them at this point.

“Shit. And he did all this in just a few minutes.” Garrus said as he nudged her with the end of his sniper rifle, “We better hurry and get the sedative deployed before more damage is done to the ship !”

Just before they could begin to charge towards the elevator, what was left of Thane’s resistance immediately noticed Shepard as if they were a pack of predators paying note to a weakened prey. 

“There’s Shepard !” One shouted.

“She’s so damn hot !” Another said. 

“Oh CRAP !” Both Shepard and Garrus exclaimed as they shuffled forward as another stampede of mindless horny personnel charged at their Commander with desperation. Shepard took lead, noting her Turian ally was in no shape to defend her; she fiercely wondered how long the nerve blockers he had described would last. 

Just before the small mob made contact, a giant blue cloud engulfed them like a deadly fog. The energy’s force caused them to violently bump into each other like human-shaped balloons. They were quickly dispersed backwards-sliding across the floor in an unconscious state. Shepard and Garrus froze in place as Justicar Samara strutted onto the scene with the grace of an amazon. The blue beauty glared at her rescued peers with the same familiar vacant acknowledgement as Thane Krios approached with rolled fists resting against his sides.

“Shepard. Are you harmed ?” The asari asked with hints of concern. 

Garrus kept his sniper pointing at her for good measure as Shepard half-expected her to seduce her again like before- but the Matriarch appeared more reserved with a hint of struggle. Maybe she somehow managed to fight against Mordin’s powerful concentration with the extraordinary discipline she anchored herself long ago. Whatever the case was, Shepard’s relief unraveled, grateful that the chicken-shit Cerebrus crew were all taken care of.

“No, I’m fine. Thank you, Samara.” She said with a breath, she quickly turned to Garrus and gestured to him to lower his weapon at her, “Garrus, she’s an ally. She won’t hurt me.”

Unconvinced, he kept his aim up,” I thought you said that she was infected.”

Samara glared at Garrus as if she could read his every thought, the subtle movements of her head and hardened posture told Shepard she was struggling against the pull. She pursed her lips to say something but stopped when Thane stood before her in a silent demand for her full-attention. 

“She is..but she’s strong enough to fight against her desire to fuck my brains out. She’s centuries old, Garrus, and she was trained to overcome such inclinations.” Shepard explained to him as she lowered the damn rifle herself with a shove. 

Samara gave her an appreciative look to confirm her theory, “You will always have my aid.” She, then, returned to the drell assassin with a dangerous glare that could mean lethal results.

“Justicar, while I respect your strength of your faith and abilities, I formally ask you to release your claim onto my Siha while we are still on acceptable terms.” Thane said almost robotically that seemed to cause the entire deck to intensify.

Garrus and Shepard took steps back as Samara met Thane’s stand-off with a cool confidence of her- oozing with a sensual authoritative power, “ You do not own the Commander, Thane. I will not allow it. According to The Code-”

Her audience held their breath in a united dread; ANY TIME the Justicar would mention her Code usually ended with blood. Shepard still couldn’t comprehend how many regulations the asari had to follow with absolute certainty.

“-I am compelled to act against you.” 

Thane didn’t back down, instead he bowed his head, “Then you leave me with no choice. May our Gods guide our hearts.”

Samara’s fists glowed, “Indeed.”

Their eerie exchange abruptly morphed into a charge between the both of them. Thane’s biotics flared just as hers did as they met with what seemed like a clash of vibrant electricity that caused the overhead lights to flicker. 

They each produced a series of fast punches and kicks in between impressive acrobatic dodges and counters like a pair of well seasoned martial artists. It was the most incredible thing Shepard had ever witnessed. 

Garrus tapped her with the end of his rifle with urgency, “Shepard, this is the perfect time to get to the elevator. They’re the only two left on this floor and they’re distracted !”

While his suggestion was sound, Shepard couldn’t help but be drawn to the way Samara moved and fought against Thane’s aptitude. So far, it seemed she had the advantage and it was all for the sake of protecting her dignity. Deep down, the Commander felt flattered like a giddy school-girl. 

“But..uh..she might get hurt.” She lingered.

“That woman can rip this ship in half with her biotics, I think she will be fine ! Why do you-” He stopped as he analyzed her dreamy expression and then grunted impatiently, “ Damn it, Shepard, NOW’s not the time to check out the asari. This isn’t the Afterlife !”

He had a point but it was as if Samara had ingested Mordin’s experiment herself and Shepard was her husk-like admirer, “ You don’t understand, Garrus. I care about her, even if she is not herself. I just..” She cleared her throat as they were momentarily distracted by the sight of Samara grabbing Thane’s arm (when he failed to deliver a punch) and flipping him over in one magnificent move. He was slammed on the floor that produced a slight tremble from impact. “ I don’t know, there’s something about her fighting for my honor that’s a HUGE turn on. “

Garrus huffed; his mandibles clicked rapidly-which expressed his annoyance, “ I didn’t get you this far just so you can dwell on your sexual frustrations, Shepard.” He paused as Thane hopped back up and delivered a side-kick at the Justicar’s legs. His opponent simply distributed a biotic blast from her right fist and terminated his approach. Then she stomped on one of his legs with her luscious high-heeled boot, pinning him against the floor again with insistence. Shepard drew a satisfied sigh.

“ You DO realize that there’s no way in hell she would abandon her way of life for you, right ? Once Mordin’s experiment gets out of her system, it will be back to how it was !” Garrus urged her.

The Commander straightened ignorantly, “I KNOW ! So, let me watch this a little..”

“You’re probably still high and THIS doesn’t help them. The longer you’re here- the more they will fight each other. They could get seriously hurt. I mean, Thane is terminally ill for crying out loud !” 

Just as he said that, they could hear Thane wheeze through his erratic breathing as Samara had him pinned. Fortunately, Shepard’s empathy triumphed over her libido and she reacquainted herself with the reality of the detrimental situation before her. The Crew Deck was getting decimated, scorch marks from biotic strikes stained the metal of the walls and ceiling and the majority of her crew were incapacitated (with half of them with their pants down). If this continues any further, the damages and recovery could set them back for days to get the Reaper IFF. 

“EDI, do a lockdown for the Med-Bay, we need to keep Dr. Chakwas out of harm’s way since we’re going to need her expertise after this cluster fuck is done.” Shepard issued. Despite the fact that she trusted the doctor implicitly, she was just ONE medical professional onboard a starship filled with- from what she had recently discovered- at least forty people.

“Right away, Shepard.” EDI confirmed. 

“We should go.” The Commander said to her restless Turian friend. 

They shuffled to the elevator and in doing so- they captured the Justicar’s attention. 

Samara kicked Thane in the face and caused him to flip over backwards and land on his back with a loud thud and proceeded to follow the escapees with concern, “Shepard, where are you going ?”

Something was nerving her (based on the numerous times Shepard paid attention to her subtle facial expressions) as she shifted her gaze back and forth between them.

It felt as though she was leaving a comrade to die on the battlefield, like Kaiden those years ago, “I...have to go, Samara, to safety.”

They could see Thane was slowly getting up behind her-determined to forbid himself from admitting defeat. The elevator door opened- recognizing the Commander’s DNA signature; Garrus nudged her shoulder with his rifle with urgency, “We need to go, Shepard !”

Samara’s deep crystal-blue eyes sharpened as they rested upon Garrus with acknowledgement and returned back to Shepard, “ I understand. Do we still have our appointment after dinner ?”

Thane got back onto his feet and rushed over to them at the elevator, it was going to be another bloodbath and Shepard didn’t have time to relay any words of comfort or certainty. 

“Appointment ?” Garrus repeated in confusion.

Just before she could explain by a short “I’ll tell you later” and access the elevator functions- the deck echoed with the stomps of high-heeled boots. Miranda appeared by the corner with glowing fists and the deposition of a bratty teenager being grounded. The Commander held her breath in horror.

“Shepard has plans with ME, bitch !” Her second-in-command shouted.

“Oh SHIT.” Shepard uttered as Samara quickly shifted her focus on another opponent as Thane met their vicinity. 

“What...the...HELL..did you DO ?!” Garrus thundered at her as Miranda charged at the Justicar like a red sand addict looking for an easy score. Samara countered her biotic strike with her own effortlessly-which caused violent vibrations to stir throughout the deck. 

Thane joined into the fray and attacked them both-causing them to slam into the memorial wall across from the elevator. Garrus shoved Shepard into the elevator with his body weight, “Give me some of those syringes, NOW !”

Unsure what the hell he had in mind, she couldn’t argue with his demand-given the crazy turn of events. She quickly unzipped the case and grabbed a couple.

“Open the chamber and load them inside,” He instructed as Miranda and Samara recovered and charged at Thane with a brief cooperative strike.

She did as he said, analyzing what his intentions were, “Garrus, maybe..”

“They’re powerful, Shepard, if they aren’t going to destroy the Normandy-they will sure as hell destroy each other. This will slow them down. Now step back !” 

She closed the chamber and drifted back as he aimed with his last good arm at the tangle of biotics before them. Surprisingly, he fired concussive precision strikes at Thane first, the syringe landed against his neck and the force from the blast delivered the pain-killer. The drell staggered back as if his entire oxygen supply was brutally taken from him. Garrus deployed another at Miranda who was just about to use his helplessness as an advantage; the syringe landed on her left ass-cheek. It would have been funny if the sound of her pained gasp hadn’t transpired. The Cerebrus agent instantly lost her footing. Before Samara could unleash a barrier, the Turian fired two more times- straight into her chest where her armor wasn’t covering. Shepard gasped at the sheer ruthlessness of his decision to use TWO syringes on her. 

“Garrus, what the fuck ! She could overdose !” The Commander shrieked in concern. 

Just when she was about to race out of the elevator to tend to Samara’s fragile state, Garrus blocked the door, “EDI, get us out of here !”

The door shut as Shepard watched Samara sink to the ground.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what else will happen ! This chapter turned out to be more action-packed than I thought. Poor Shepard..


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took awhile to write ! I'm sorry for the late post ! One more chapter to go !

Shepard leaned against the elevator door in frustration, slamming her fist on it as the elevator began it’s painstakingly slow ascent with a low familiar hum, “Damn it, Garrus ! Why the HELL did you use two on her ? That’s overkill !”

“Let’s talk about why the HELL you propositioned both Samara AND Miranda !” Garrus countered. 

“I didn’t- well, I didn’t know Samara was affected at the time and..” The Commander stumbled over her words as her friend waited for a legitimate answer with what looked like a smirked expression. “Well, Miranda was practically..I was just trying to escape and..I don’t have a leg to stand on, do I ?”

“No but at least your mistake provided an excellent distraction, let’s hope that will make a difference. Let’s give an update to Mordin and see if he’s ready, it won’t be long now until we reach your quarters.” He rested his rifle against the wall with a tired breath and examined his limp arm.

Thankful for his charitable surrender on the matter, Shepard slammed her finger on her Omni-Tool to access the Salarian’s private channel, “Mordin, we made it to the elevator. Samara, Miranda, and Thane were ripping each other apart….the painkillers stopped them but the situation is desperate. We need to hurry and WHY the hell are elevators so damn slow ? I mean, even in this technological age-no one figured out how to correct that issue ?” She stared hard at the door as she waited for his response, trying not to let her concerns about Samara cloud her determination. They were close to the finish line and the best thing she could do is to move forward; hopefully the sedative gas won’t revert the asari into a vegetative state.

<”Troubling. Biotic attacks could have harmed the Normandy’s essential functions seeing how there is a lack of disruptor barriers in the interior.”> Dr. Solus answered, as if it were more of an academic passing thought rather than a genuine concern.

“It’s all repairable so far, hopefully the others won’t-”

The elevator suddenly stopped. The subtle vibrations disappeared as the emergency power lights flickered on. Both Shepard and Garrus inspected the control panel on the right side, noting it was locked. 

“You have got to be kidding me !” The Turian could only grunt with irritation, grabbing his rifle with his good hand as a precaution.

The Commander couldn’t decide whether or not to be pissed or worried; what ELSE could go wrong ? 

“EDI, what the fuck happened ?” She demanded.

“It seems a successful hacking attempt cut off all power to the elevator. There are firewalls in place that I cannot decipher for the moment, Shepard.” The A.I answered; Shepard could have sworn she detected traces of a pitiable tone in her voice.

“Are you serious ? Someone hacked the elevator ?” Garrus repeated in disbelief. With ALL the top-of-the-notch tech and hardware, the notion seemed impossible.

Shepard took a moment to deconstruct the situation rationally, “This has Kasumi written all over it. She can hack into ANY unfamiliar technology for shits and giggles. Is there another way to get to my room, EDI ?”

“You will have to manually reach the captain’s cabin through the maintenance ladder shaft from the elevator’s roof. The ladder extends to your quarters but be advised, the climb-up is substantial.”

She looked up to see the hatch and nodded her head at Garrus to open it, since he was taller. He grumbled as he handed her his sniper and with difficulty, turned the red lever sideways.

“I think I can climb a friggin’ ladder, EDI.” Shepard said with an eye-roll. She noted she will have to carry Garrus’s gun for him to be able to climb with one arm, “Did you hear that, Mordin ? Hold off on the sedative, we’re taking the ladder through the elevator shaft.” Why does everything boil down to climbing something, EVEN on her own ship ?

<”I read you loud and clear, Shepard.”> He said with the same nauseating perkiness of a buzzed sports commentator. <”Kasumi’s intelligence is very versatile. Even under the concentrate’s control, she is still able to break through high-security mainframes.”>

“Don’t sound so fuckin’ impressed !” Shepard snapped as she used Garrus’s shoulders to climb up to the roof of the elevator. She could see the metal maintenance ladder EDI mentioned on the right side.

Climbing steadily up the ladder with Garrus taking lead, the Commander noted how ominous their narrow and vulnerable position actually was and she fiercely wondered how the hell Kasumi figured out she was in the elevator in the first place. Did EVERYONE have some kind of tracking driver attuned to her biological marker ? She didn’t realize how much of a lack of privacy she truly had on the Normandy. 

“Even if this isn’t a drill, we’re getting a bit of a work-out, huh Shepard ?” Garrus said from above her, stopping briefly to catch his breath. After everything he has been through in the past hour, she couldn’t fault him for his speed. 

“Thanks to Mordin !” She grunted, “I should have never taken that shot.”

“Yeah...about that...isn’t it kind of early in the day-cycle ? Why did you take it in the first place ?” 

“Why am I the one on trial here ? It was just a shot..you know a little ‘boost’ to prepare myself for a day of mingling with my crew. It wasn’t like I was trying to get blind drunk. It was a refreshment..you know, like a shower-beer.” 

“I’m sensing a destructive pattern but I’ll let it go for now.” He continued his ascent.

“Shepard,” EDI announced urgently.

They groaned in aggravation, knowing she only ever delivered bad news. 

“Son of a bitch, EDI, this better be about something irrelevant..like how many messages I have on my terminal or some shit because I can’t take anymore bad news !” Shepard exclaimed. Garrus’s rifle almost slipped from her left grasp; she quickly refastened her hold on it-seeing that it turned out to be a sufficient dart-gun against hostiles.

“Commander, personnel are trying to open the elevator door manually from the C.I.C deck, I suggest you reroute your current direction.” The A.I. continued, dismissing her outburst.

They stopped in the middle of their long climb, peering up towards where the C.I.C entry point would be. 

“Damn it ! Where should we GO ?” 

It would be an absolute disaster if they get overwhelmed on the ladder, the fall could kill them both. 

“There’s another maintenance ladder that descends to the Engineering Deck, from there you can access another ladder in the Cargo Hold area that reaches to your quarters, Shepard.” She indicated.

It took them a moment to process the complicated detour with a mountain load of salt.

“Why the HELL is there another ladder that goes to my room on this ship ? That seems like a creepy design oversight !” 

“Cerebrus firewalls have blocked me from answering that question.” The A.I. retorted.

“Fuck you, Cerberus.” She mumbled as she hopped over to the other ladder and descended down on it to give Garrus some room to land. “Garrus, can you make it ?”

“I’ll have to, hang on.” He grunted, taking a prepared breath. With a kick from his legs, he flung himself on the ladder and caught himself by grabbing the bar with his good hand. “I’m not completely crippled. Hell, this reminds me of the time I had to climb through the air ducts to clear out the duct rats- this was back when I was still a rookie and had crap work details.”

“Yeah about that..why the fuck is the Citadel overlooking the fact that CHILDREN make a habit out of climbing through dangerous air ducts ?”

“You know how kids are..you roadblock them on one thing, they find something else life-threatening to play around with.”

“So you stopped at the air ducts ?”

“I left C-Sec for a number of reasons, Shepard. Let’s talk about what the hell we’re going to do when we get to Engineering.” 

They proceeded to climb down as the Commander anticipated the chaos would be similar, “I mean, we still have plenty of syringes left. We’ll have to just take every short distance we can.”

<”Shepard ? EDI tells me you’re detouring to Engineering.”> Mordin announced on loud speaker from her Omni-Tool. 

“Yeah, it will take a bit longer so stay frosty, doc.” She answered.

<”I will await your further instructions but keep in mind that-”> Suddenly, the comm-link went into static.

“Mordin ? Mordin ? Fuck ! What the hell happened ?” She stopped as Garrus released another groan of annoyance.

“There appears to be a communication scrambler in place, Shepard. Establishing a private comm-channel will be impossible unless the device is deactivated.” EDI announced.

“CRAP. That’s probably Kasumi again. She’s planning something.” The Turian said with concern, “Hell, she probably planned this entire thing, baiting you to get to Engineering. I don’t like this.”

He was right. It felt as though they were mice in an intricate maze-being lured into a pre-designed trap. 

“This is what I get for gathering the best biotics, techs, and badasses into one ship. Just stay focused, Garrus, we’ll get through this !”

“I trust you, Shepard but I won’t fool myself with our odds. Engineering is FULL of obstacles. Not only the ladder we need is in GRUNT”S room but Jack is down there. She’s full of crazy and you can’t predict crazy.”

The Commander cleared her throat, her cotton-mouth condition was getting worse, “Shit. I forgot about Jack. EDI, can you give me an update on everyone on Engineering ? What are they doing ?”

“Due to several power outages of my biometric scans and the scrambler installation- the best I can determine is that the techs have remained in the Drive Core’s maintenance room and Grunt is still in his designated room in the Cargo Hold. Tali’Zorah and Jack’s life signs are missing.”

Well THAT didn’t sound good. 

“You can’t pick up Kasumi’s signature anywhere ?” Shepard asked. Why would she lure them there if she wasn’t in the lower deck ?

“No. I am unable to locate her. I recommend taking extreme caution.”

“Gee, THANKS for the tip !” She said sarcastically.

“Why are there more power outages ? Is Kasumi hacking into more of your matrixes, EDI ? Can you still pilot the ship ?” Garrus inquired, hugging the ladder to readjust his footing on the skinny metal bars. 

“I am unable to specify.” She said.

“Fuck.” Garrus sighed miserably, probably wishing he had stayed in the Main Battery where it was safe. “We’re about to walk into a VERY big trap, Shepard. Count on it.”

The odds didn’t look good but the Commander didn’t overcome difficult obstacles by examining what MIGHT happen ! She didn’t get to where she was by worrying about statistics- she would plow through and hope for the best.

“Okay, stay calm.” She said to her friend, looking downward towards their destination. All she could see was a black void. “Tali and Jack are probably on a different deck or something. Maybe Tali went to the shuttle bay to see if she can tweak the shuttle’s dampener coils again. She was talking about doing it for hours the other day during dinner. And Jack..” Well, Jack hardly left her post in her isolation due to her anti-social tendencies. The only time she did leave was to use the bathroom or eat on the Crew Deck, which she continuously bitched about how inconvenient it was to take a damn elevator to be able to take a piss. Another shitty design oversight that Shepard became aware of. In fact, the Normandy had a huge crew- two bathrooms wasn’t going to cut it ! She didn’t recall seeing Jack on the Crew Deck..which reduced the possibility of her being on the C.I.C or.. “Hell, she’s probably on the C.I.C, modding her shotgun or something in the armory. For now, all we have to worry about is getting past Grunt. He’s our biggest hurdle during the final push. We can do this, Garrus !”

“He’s a krogan, Shepard. He could split my skull open with one head-butt and do even worse to you.” Garrus countered.

“Shut-up, Vakarian, I’m trying to stay optimistic !” She didn’t like the thought of going on the offensive against a pure krogan but at least he was just ONE obstacle to out-smart. The thought of Grunt groping her made her sick to her stomach; she mentally noted to grab as many syringes as her hands would allow and stab the little guy mercilessly. Damn be the consequences. She never studied krogan reproduction and wanted it to keep it that way !

They hopped down onto the Engineering Deck, directly into Jack’s domain and quickly got into a back-to-back position as if they had just parachuted into hostile geth territory. After a nervous analysis, they concluded they were alone. Jack wasn’t anywhere in sight; all that lingered were a few datapads and a pistol in the process of being cleaned. They relaxed as Shepard handed Garrus back his rifle, already loaded with a few syringes for caution. 

“Thank God, I don’t think we could have handled Jack.” The Commander said with relief as they quietly went to the left stairway that led to the main hall. She looked at her Omni-Tool again and reminded herself that the comm channels were offline; Kasumi did well to cover her bases. She wondered what kind of trap the thief had planned and could only guess the big finale of it was just above them. 

“Okay, this is what we’ll do. You’re going to wait down here while I go to the Cargo Hold and lure Grunt out of his room.” Garrus said with a hoarse whisper after some quiet consideration; she didn’t like it so far, “I’ll take him to the drive core area. I’m going to stomp on the floor twice to tell you the coast is clear. And when I do, you haul your ass to the ladder. Just run. I’ll catch up with you.” 

“Garrus, what if he’s agitated ? You’re too impaired to handle a scuffle with a Krogan.” Shepard said in concern.

“I know. I’m just going to distract him. This is our best shot.” He insisted not very convincingly. “I have no idea what Kasumi has in store but I have my gun- I think I can take down a thief if she shows her cards. My biggest concern right now is Grunt, if he catches sight of you-he’ll be more disagreeable towards me.”

She couldn’t think of a better plan and the unknowns above them could be anything. At least from where she was standing, this was the safest place to be since it was empty. 

“Alright but if you’re gone for longer than five minutes, I’m going up there.” She said, unsure what kind of state Grunt was going to be in. 

“Fine. Just stay quiet and I’ll make this fast.” He said with determination.

“You’re a good friend, Garrus.”

“Don’t remind me.” He lightly jested, “I thought being a good friend had something to do with being a-what you humans call- ‘wing-man.’ With you, it’s the opposite. Have to beat them away with sticks.”

“Shut-up and get moving.”

“Remember, if you hear my signal- just haul ass.” He reiterated and then headed up the stairs.

Shepard listened to her friend’s footsteps travel down the hall towards where she assumed was the Cargo Hold. She waited as she held her breath, worried he was going to be instantly trampled. The silence felt longer than it should and she quickly re-assessed her option to neglect Garrus’s strict instructions check on him. 

Suddenly, she heard his familiar footsteps return- escorted by another pair that sounded heavier. Shepard stood still, careful not to omit the slightest noise as she focused on the patterns coming closer above her. 

The door that led into the drive core above her opened with its mechanic hum; the footsteps calmly steered further in-drifting back into silence. They made it to the drive core ! It didn’t sound like there was a struggle at all, which made her think Garrus was safe for the moment. 

The Commander waited for his signal above her, hoping he would stomp loud enough for her to hear it; she drifted her right foot to the first stair-ready for the fastest sprint of her entire career. Only more silence continued, making her wonder AGAIN if something went horribly wrong. Completely distracted, she failed to sense someone was behind her until she saw its faint shadow appear against the stairs in front of her. Before she could quickly leap around to face her intruder, a tattooed hand covered her mouth with the force of a bulldozer. 

Shepard was pulled backwards and slammed onto the metal bed as if a professional wrestler had body slammed her to her defeat. Before she could use her limbs to push off her opponent, Jack jumped on her body to keep her pinned down. With the expression of a disgruntled post-service worker, the biotic went to work by cuffing her wrists to the bed’s metal frame. 

“Oh FUCK ! Oh Shit ! J-Jack, listen to me- you’re not in the right mind right now !” Shepard squeaked like threatened livestock about to be ravaged; she tried to pull her hands free but the cuffs were tight against her-making her wrists ache as if they were grinding against the bone. Jack registered nothing as she proceeded to cuff her ankles as well. How many fuckin’ hand-cuffs were on this ship ? The Commander tried to use her body weight to haul herself up with the bed strapped to her but the damn thing was bolted to the ground. “Mordin’s experiment is..is making you crazy..you’re not YOU !” She could only talk her way out of it at this point, to try to prevent an expensive ten years worth of therapy in her near future. 

Jack continued to sit on top of her waist, with the eyes of a natural born killer. There wasn’t a twinge of acknowledgement or remorse in her expression.

“Y-You’re...we’re...we don’t want the same things.” Shepard continued, knowing her ‘assault’ was futile, “We’re on two completely different wavelengths...I-I mean I respect you as a person and-”

The biotic simply leaned forward, grabbing her shoulders.

“You. Me. We’re fucking.” The alpha said conclusively.

Shepard tried to wrestle her off of her as she attempted to try to rip her shirt open, “No, Jack, STOP ! Oh GOD ! S-Someone help me ! Tali ? ANYONE !” She could at least try to yell loud enough for anyone to hear her above them.

She heard someone approaching and turned her head to find Tali filming them from her Omni-Tool, “The sound drivers are really working out. I can even hear your heart-beat, Shepard.”

The ambush turned out to be even more sinister, she glared at her friend in disbelief, “T-Tali ? You’re..behind THIS too ?!” She was going to be sick..

“Not just me. Who do you think orchestrated this entire thing ?” The Quarian sighed with glee as she readjusted the angle of her Omni-Tool’s camera function. 

Shepard felt the blood rush to her head as absolute dread consumed her, “Kasumi..”

The said thief appeared beside Tali with a soft blue electrical charge. Damn her cloaking ! A gleam of a playful smile formed beneath her hood as she started to film from her Omni-Tool, “Don’t worry, Shep, I’ll make sure to get your good side.”

Mordin’s experiment had more gruesome results than she previously thought. 

“You’re working together...for THIS ? B-But..” The Commander continued to stutter, appalled of her associates’ revealing depravity.

“It’s simple, really. Jack goes first because she found a way to keep Grunt busy. Kasumi has seconds because she was the mastermind behind hacking the elevator and buffering the comm channels. I will go last because I have some finishing touches to make on the environmental suit I made for you anyway.” Tali said as a matter-of-factly. “You don’t need to worry your pretty little head about it.”

Jack grunted as she scooted herself back on top of her, attending to the belt of her pants.

“Oh SHIT ! Shit ! Shit ! Please don’t do this-you don’t know what you’re doing !” Shepard yelled louder between sobs, worried that it was finally the end of her dignity.

Jack roughly pried the belt apart and tried to pull her pants down but the Commander kept twisting her body left and right to slow her down and the inevitably of revealing her embarrassing Blasto underwear that she HAD to wear today. The biotic growled in frustration, trying to keep her grip on the fabric, “Don’t be such a pussy, Shepard, you NEED this.” She briefly cast her head sideways towards the others, “Now, where the hell did we stash the baby oil ?”

She had to do SOMETHING ! Hopefully Garrus was on his way so she had to stall for time, “NO ! Wait- Uh.” She quickly tried to think of something to postpone Jack’s ‘gentle’ touch, they paused to allow her to finish as if for formality’s sake, “W-What about, you know, cuddling ?”

The three of them suspended their current agenda and exchanged looks.

Tali stopped filming and put one hand on her hip, “Kee’lah, we never discussed cuddling time. I mean, it’s sort of implied, right ?”

The thief sighed heavily, “That will take too long, wouldn’t it ? Cuddling time is at least twenty minutes.”

Something told Shepard that they had an aggravating discussion beforehand while settling their rapey terms. Jack remained on top of her, giving Kasumi a pointed look, “I’m not going to be cheated, Kasumi. I have to have cuddles.”

It was WORKING !

“Let’s see...twenty times three is sixty..that would be another hour before round two. Can Grunt be distracted for that long, Jack ?” Tali asked the resentful biotic innocently.

“I have him covered, Quarian. Are you DOUBTING me ?” 

“Why are you so damn defensive over everything ? It was just a question !” 

Jack rolled off of the relieved Commander to face her opposer, “I wouldn’t have to be so defensive if you would just shut-up SOME of the time. I mean, fuck, you talk more than the damn Salarian ! We’re doing the cuddling shifts- we don’t need to fuckin’ talk about it like you do with everything ! I don’t know how Shepard puts up with your ass !”

The tension shifted between the three of them as Shepard tried to catch her breath with her heart thundering through her chest. Kasumi grunted an inaudible ‘oh boy’ as the two continued their fiery animosity towards each other.

“It’s called COMMUNICATION, you bosh’et ! I don’t know how Shepard puts up with YOU- you’re a walking time-bomb about to detonate every time someone tells you ‘good morning!’ Your ONLY manners involve swearing and throwing shockwaves all over the place like a child having a tantrum !” Tali countered back, unintimidated by the biotic woman that could fry her suit into ashes with a sneeze. Despite the horrible conditions, Shepard was impressed by her bravery.

“WHAT ! You don’t know shit ! Cerberus raised me in a fuckin’ lab, I wasn’t taught manners- I was trained to kill !” 

The faint white lights that highlighted Tali’s pupils from her mask indicated her hard eye-roll, “Not the friggin’ Cerebrus lab sob-story AGAIN ! News flash, Jack, we have ALL been through some shit but we get through it because we’re adults ! You just act like it’s all you can be because you’re too scared to be normal !”

“Fuck you, bitch !” Jack snarled as her fists glowed with power, “What’s your sad story ? Your daddy lied to you and then died...oh, BOOHOO ! At least you KNEW who your father was..another Quarian with a hard-on for the Geth. How original !” 

“Don’t you DARE mock my father’s name !” 

Kasumi got between them before their argument turned into physical violence, “Guys ! Shepard is trying to distract you and it’s working ! Focus !”

The Commander quickly recovered, “N-no I’m not, I genuinely want to know if there will be cuddles. Maybe some pillow talk ? A lady likes to feel appreciated, afterall. I think Kasumi is the one trying to distract you guys, she’s probably trying to increase her cuddling time.”

Both Jack and Tali glared at their partner, “WHAT ?”

“I fuckin’ knew it. Once a thief, always a thief !” Jack huffed, redirecting her angle towards her.

“We had an agreement, Kasumi !” Tali added.

Kasumi backed away as they went closer to her, “I’m NOT double-crossing you ! You’re falling for clumsy manipulation !”

Just before their heated exchange evolved into a possible skirmish, Garrus ran up behind them and pushed the three of them down with his rifle. They bumped into each other like a couple of bowling pins and piled on top of one another on the floor. Shepard groaned in immense relief as the Turian quickly went to her hand-cuffs; he simply pulled them apart with his good hand as if they weren’t made out of steel, “What the hell..”

“They’re not standard hand-cuffs. In fact, I think it’s something you buy at a…” Garrus awkwardly cleared his throat as he ripped apart the cuffs strapped to her ankles, “..particular shop.” He lifted one of the broken cuffs to illustrate his point, it had fuzzy pink fur on the top of it, a detail she failed to notice from the beginning. Granting her another ‘pass,’ he ushered her towards the left stairway, “Sorry it took so long, Shepard. I was just humoring Grunt, letting him believe he was distracting me. I didn’t want to hurt the little guy’s feelings.” 

She stood up and quickly caught her pants from dropping to the floor by grabbing the sides and re-fastening her belt; she prayed he didn’t see the underwear.

“Are you...hurt ?” He asked in concern, which was a gentle way of asking her if she had been sexually assaulted already.

“I can understand Jack AND Kasumi..but Tali..I had no idea she could be so twisted. Let’s get the fuck out of here !” The Commander said with a shudder. 

They only made it up a couple of stairs before the three ladies recovered. Jack glowed bright blue to portray her willingness to unleash hell, “Not so fast, girl scout ! Step away from the ugly-ass Turian and MAYBE I won’t roast him !” 

Tali and Kasumi aimed their guns at them behind her.

Garrus lowered his head, “That’s just mean..”

Shepard stepped in front of him, shielding his body with her own as best she could, “You will have to go through me to get to Garrus. I doubt you will want me covered in blood and pus !”

The predators lowered their offenses from the weighty utomatum.

“Damn it !” Kasumi mumbled in defeat.

“She’s right. Imagine the germs..” Tali sighed.

“Blood is such a boner-killer, believe it or not.” Jack added.

Shepard pushed Garrus with her back, “Get the fuck moving, Garrus !” He quickly went up the stairs and she followed him by going backwards-facing their hostiles with a critical eye to make sure they wouldn’t try anything with her back turned, “Stay back, ladies. I’m not opposed to breaking my own nose to keep you bitches away from me !”

“You think you can get out of here ? There’s no escape !” Jack declared, slowly coming closer to follow them defiantly. Shepard gulped as her ‘death-glare’ upon her made her feel like she was suffocating in space all over again, “I’ll find you, Shepard. And when I do, I’ll destroy that ass and cuddle your fuckin’ brains out !”

“With an offer like that, are you sure you want to leave ?” Garrus jested behind her.

“Fuck you, Garrus !”

They made it up the stairs and bolted towards the Cargo Hold but was interrupted by Grunt who came into the hall from the drive core room. Shepard practically crashed into Garrus as they stopped in alarm. 

“Shepard !” Grunt announced jubilantly as if he were greeting her at the bar.

The Commander was certain she was close to getting an ulcer, “Oh GOD, Garrus, I thought you took care of him !” 

Garrus nervously pointed his rifle at their obstacle, “I got him to the drive core, what the hell else am I supposed to do with one bum arm against a Krogan ?” He could have fired multiple syringes into his fat neck, for one..but Shepard decided not to waste her focus arguing about it now. 

They kept their distance from him in panic, trying to come up with a plan to get around him to the maintenance ladder. Grunt came closer with a chuckle, failing to note the severity of their caution, “You got away. Good. Jack had me distract Garrus but I guess it didn’t work.”

“I swear to fuck, Grunt, I will NOT hesitate to kick your ass if you lay one finger on me !” Shepard warned him, getting him to stop his approach in confusion. They were properly trapped; at any given moment, the trio of dominatrixes from downstairs will arrive and they’ll be in between two destructive forces of nature. She’d rather throw herself back into Kasumi’s fucked up web than to suffer an assault from Grunt..but that was a last resort.

The young Krogan rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, ignoring the fact that Garrus had a lock on his neck, “Shepard, the tank’s imprints don't say much about human mating rituals but you remind me more of a Krogan anyway so I’ll go by tradition.” He coughed and straightened as if to convey confidence, “I would like to earn my rights to mate with you by killing something.” He pointed at Garrus, “Is that Turian acceptable ?”

“NO ! Don’t you DARE hurt anyone ! No one is mating with anyone. Especially me ! I-I think I would rather die. Also, you’re practically my son so this is fucked up in a number of levels, Grunt !” Shepard shakily retorted, noting that if he charged-she could fling herself into the drive core room to give her more room to maneuver. 

“But my blood demands it. I even stole some of that baby oil stuff that you humans like so much.” He grumbled as he came closer.

“Oh crap.” Garrus gulped, prepared to take his first shot.

“G-Grunt, as your battlemaster, I order you to stand down and take a really really REALLY cold shower !” The Commander issued with the last bit of her resolve. The Cargo Hold might as well be on a completely different ship in a different system.

Jack, Tali, and Kasumi came up the stairs just as the door to the drive core opened and in walked Gabby and Kenneth with matching dazed expressions. “Damn it !” Shepard cursed, they were truly trapped and the only possibility of their escape now was to mow through them all in a desperate attempt to flee. It was do or get raped time.

Garrus read her mind and quickly deployed two concussive shots into Grunt’s neck; Shepard ducked as he swung the rifle around and fired his last syringe into Jack’s chest. The Commander grabbed the red pack that was tucked underneath his good arm and grabbed a few syringes. She, then, charged at poor Gabby and Kenneth and stabbed them in the necks before they processed what was going on. They collapsed on the floor, giving them a detour if they needed it. Jack staggered back a little, pulling out the empty syringe out of her chest as if she were pulling out a combat knife.

“I need more ammo !” Garrus told her urgently as he kept his sights on Grunt who still wasn’t down yet, despite the fact that he had two doses. Damn it, they should have known it was going to take far more to take down a Krogan. Shepard grabbed more of the painkillers from the bag and stuffed them in the rifle’s chamber as Tali and Kasumi kept their distance behind Jack. 

To the Commander’s disbelief, the biotic marvel was still standing too.

“You think THAT was going to stop me ? BItch, please, I was drugged regularly when I was a kid. This shit is apple juice compared to that shit !” Subject Zero explained with a cocky smirk. 

Maybe the revelation was exactly what Mordin tried to warn them about before their communication was cut off. Garrus fired another shot at her while Grunt plucked the syringes out of his neck with an irritated huff. Jack allowed the shot to land into her left shoulder and continued forward with her arms glowing with energy. 

“Damn it, Garrus, forget about her and get the others while we still have ammo !” Shepard ordered him, trying to come up with another solution to deal with the heavy-hitter. 

He fired at Kasumi, before she could side-step to avoid it. It landed into her stomach and she propelled backwards from impact, landing on the floor helplessly. Shepard couldn’t help but feel satisfaction to see her go down from all the trouble she put her through. The Turian shifted his aim to Tali and paused with a troubled grunt, “Damn it, I can’t puncture her suit-an open air exposure could kill her !” 

The Quarian dropped her pistol on the ground and lifted her hands to signal her surrender, “Yes, Garrus, don’t shoot ! I’ll back off !” 

“Fuckin’ wuss !” Jack spat at her as she was getting ready to charge at Garrus.

Thinking on her feet, Shepard quickly turned to Grunt, “Grunt, I changed my mind- take Jack down but DON”T kill her !”

The Krogan chirped victoriously and let out a war-cry as he charged at Jack like a line-backer. The biotic shifted her course right back in him, knowing that she had to deal with him first, “Damn it, Grunt !”

Shepard and Garrus tossed themselves aside and allowed them to rough-house. Jack lifted Grunt’s bulky body with her biotics and slammed him against the wall with the display window that overlooked the shuttle deck below their floor. The glass shattered from impact as he sunk down to the floor; the attack did little to impair his ability to fight for he jumped back up and took a swing at his opponent. Shepard was certain his punch snapped Jack’s snap upon contact but the fierce woman recovered with a scowl and proceeded to challenge him. The deck was going to get destroyed unless Shepard hauls ass to the ladder ! 

“GO !” Garrus barked at her.

She ran towards the Cargo Hold but stopped when she heard her friend’s voice gasp. She turned around to see Tali climbing on Garrus’s back with a dagger in one hand-shrieking like a relentless pijack on steroids. 

“Garrus !”

“Get the hell out of here, Shepard !” He insisted as he tried to wrestle out of Tali’s hold, swinging his rifle to try to smack her off of him.

“We’re in this together, Vakarian !” Shepard fired back as Jack and Grunt’s epic battle behind him escalated. 

“I have to stay here and make sure no one gets killed ! Just hurry up and get going !” 

“You are in no shape to defend yourself !” 

“I’ve been through worse now GO !”

Shepard felt a sob develop in the back of her throat as she was touched by his continued sense of loyalty. Tali’s hold on him caused him to step back, getting closer to Jack and Grunt’s destructive storm as if it were a black hole sucking him into its vortex. 

“You brave son of a bitch, I’ll make your sacrifice count !” She said affirmatively, the sooner she gets to the ladder, the sooner Mordin can deploy the sedative in time to prevent Garrus from getting fatally wounded. 

“Just name your first born after me and we’ll call it even !”

“When the FUCK are you going to let that go ? Are you THAT conceited ?” With that, she turned around and fled to the Cargo Hold just as she heard metal being dented from an explosion. It was like leaving a friend behind to die all over again and her thoughts returned to Kaidan as she shoved several metal crates into a stack to reach the ceiling where the ladder’s hatch was.    
  



	5. Chapter 5

Commander Shepard huffed interchangeably as she raced up the maintenance shaft ladder; with her heart thundering through her chest and the echoes of her ascension drowning her senses, all she could think about was Garrus getting his ass kicked below her. Unfortunately, the climb up was longer than she thought it would be and all that seemed for a while was her new reality of a narrow metal tunnel. Occasionally, she would pause her climb to try the comm channels-hoping the more distance she put between herself and engineering-the better her chances of leaving the communication scrambler’s radius that Kasumi crafted. She needed to get a hold of Mordin to have him deploy the sedative gas before Garrus gets killed. The longer it’s been since she abandoned her friend, the more she felt like she was stabbing him in the back. She needed to be faster !

“Come on, Jane, move, you piece of SHIT !” She hollered at herself as she continued up the monogamous hell, at a quicker pace. It shouldn’t be much further now. 

She started to think of the risk of her friends and nameless colleagues with self-blame. When it came right down to it, if she hadn’t ingested the damn shot then none of the chaos would have happened. How is it that everything she does produces a monumental change ? 

Shepard kept her sight on her Omni-Tool, waiting for the screen to show the comms. By now, Garrus had to be unconscious and Jack and Grunt were beating eachother bloody, she couldn’t begin to imagine a victor since they were on equal footing. Everyone on the Crew Deck was unconscious, some with grievous injuries ! Her thoughts then led to Samara and worried whether or not Garrus’s excessive dose compromised her health, with the added sedative gas into the air-that was basically like shoving another syringe into her vein. If only there was time to return to the deck and carry her to the safe confines of her quarters-to, at the very least, avoid further harm. It started to feel like she had to choose between saving Garrus and the reminder of her crew..or Samara. 

All she could do was continue forward, knowing the Justicar would choose the option to save the masses. 

The screen suddenly flickers signal strength on the corner of her screen. The Commander stopped with a grateful grunt and watched as the list of comm channels blinked on her dashboard. 

“Thank fuck !” She exclaimed as she slammed a finger on Mordin’s link. “Mordin, deploy the sedative gas NOW and EDI, accelerate the air ventilation !” All that followed was a mocking brief silence.

“That is ill-advisable, Shepard, you are not in your quarters where I can seal off the vents to avoid the sedative. If I release it now, you will be rendered unconscious and fall.” EDI indicated, as if with a vague sense of moral indignation.

<”Agree with EDI.”> Mordin added <”Descension could result in immediate death.”>

“I don’t give a fuck ! Garrus is in the middle of a death gauntlet, it’s crazy down there ! I was ambushed and tied down by Kasumi, Jack, and TALI in some kind of sick alliance.” A sob got caught in the back of her throat as she hugged the ladder to reestablish her balance, “ I tricked Grunt into taking on Jack and Garrus stayed behind to make sure they won’t kill each other.. I-I don’t know how the fuck he can do anything because Dr. Chakwas crippled the poor bastard..and..I..shit..I don’t know how I can ever make eye contact with ANYONE after this madness !” 

<”Intriguing !”> Mordin mused, completely missing the point of her distress. <” A social pact between species to obtain a mutual goal. In this case, a sexual conquest. It appears the concentrate affected Tali after all. Wonder what transpired with the formula’s components regarding Turian physiology..should look it over.”>

She gripped the metal bar with both hands as she grinded her teeth in frustration, “FOCUS Mordin ! What should we do about Garrus ?” 

<”Suggest you climb faster.”>

“Damn it !” 

The link expired as she heaved herself upwards, continuing her gusto full-force with determination. She had to ponder how ridiculous the maintenance ladder was and pitied the staff responsible for using it, namely Chief Daniels. 

After several more minutes, Shepard nearly slipped from over exerting her speed. She hitched her breath as she steadied herself.

“Come on, I have to be fuckin’ close ! I just passed the Crew Deck ! The C.I.C SHOULD be in sights by now !” She hollered as she continued forth. “EDI, what are the life signs on Engineering ? Is Garrus holding on ?”

“My sensors have difficulty determining an exact reading, Shepard.” She answered.

“What about Samara ? Can you determine her current condition ? She took TWO injections, she could be in trouble !” Sweat caked the sides of her face as she glared upward, hoping for some sign of the C.I.C. entry point for the elevator; it would at least mean she was almost there but hope continued to be in short supply.

“Actually-” She paused her query which alarmed her listener but then proceeded to a different topic, “Shepard, there seems to be one hundred and eighty three unread messages on your terminal and forty pending comm-channel calls.”

“How the HELL is THAT relevant right now, EDI ?!” She barked, if lives weren’t put on the line, she would stop her ascent again just to slam a fist into the metal of the walls that seem to be closing in on her the further she continued. 

“One of the links is that of Liara T’Soni.” EDI continued, paying no mind to her reactive and excusable demeanor; either that or she didn’t understand context clues yet. 

That was unexpected. Maybe it was related to the situation at hand; if her creepy intricate network of hacking and agents was worth a damn, she probably already found out something was wrong with the Normandy. “Patch me through, EDI.”

The link clicked subtly on her Omni-Tool. 

<”Shepard ! My network extranet logs have picked up...strange activity regarding your crew !”> LIara immediately began to elaborate without so much as a civil greeting. It was just as Shepard thought. <” The majority of them seem...fixated on you.”> She struggled with her wording in what was a familiar awkward charm she recognized. <” There are overwhelmingly disturbing vids and pictures AND I can’t even describe to you the amount of graphic poetry that I found on forums. I erased them, of course, but I just wanted to see if everything is alright.”>

Shepard continued her pace, wondering if she wasn’t delirious from the stress because she STILL couldn’t see the C.I.C’s landmark. She could always depend on Liara’s consistency to stay in the loop, “ Liara, this isn’t really a good time so I’ll be blunt.. I accidentally drank one of Mordin Solus’s experiments. It caused MOST of my crew to desperately want to have sex with me. I’m in the middle of trying to contain the situation.”

Maybe her friend had some insight to offer; at minimum, it was a small relief to speak to a sympathetic face.

Liara started laughing uncontrollably on the line, which echoed throughout her metal confinement. She couldn’t remember ever hearing her laugh so earnestly.

“It’s NOT funny ! I’ve been molested more than once !” She said defensively with a low growl, “A-and I think I Inadvertedly groped a minor in the process- at least, I think she was a minor- !” Her thoughts were disorganized as she tried to sum up her shitty day, “A-and I groped Dr. Chakwas too but she made me ! They BOTH made me !” She sounded like an idiot that fell prey to Matriarch Aeytha’s bartending etiquette. 

Liara only laughed harder, “Oh Goddess..”

“Stop laughing ! We have a serious situation here, Garrus tried to protect me but he’s getting his balls kicked around by Tali ! I would appreciate SOME feedback !”

The asari’s amusement dwindled as she tried to catch her breath <“You’re right, I’m sorry, Shepard. You don’t know how long it’s been since I have been able to laugh. I just don’t know HOW you keep getting yourself in these strange situations. I know it doesn’t compare, but do you remember the time when you and Wrex got intoxicated at Chlora’s Den and rigged the Citadel’s elevators to play a recording of Tali describing her people’s culture and government in a continuous loop ? There were enough suicidal attempts for C-Sec to track you down and take you two into Holding until the Council dismissed the charges. There are still pictures of your arrest; I must say..there continues to be questions why you were wearing a bathrobe with a bleach stain on it with nothing underneath and a pair of clogs that weren’t even yours.”> She drew a pause, probably to take another breath. <”I’m rambling again, I’m sorry- do you need assistance ? I can send some of my agents.”>

After they defeated the Shadow Broker, Liara had more resources than she knew what to do with- she couldn’t argue with her temptation to accept the offer of help but it wouldn’t help things. 

“No ! It will just make it worse, anybody that isn’t a Turian or a Salarian is automatically infected. We have a plan, though, I just have to make it to my quarters and then, release the sedative in the air ventilation system to fumigate the entire ship.”

<”You’re...drugging your crew ?”> She asked, in between a level of disgustment and curiosity.

“I was sexually harassed, Liara, and everyone who is still conscious is beating eachother up. I don’t have many fuckin’ options to keep them from hurting eachother until the concentrate I drank gets out of my system !” 

<“Goddess, what possessed you to drink something so dangerous ?”>

Shepard could see a notable indentation in the distance, which could only mean the C.I.C’s entry point. FINALLY. “ I thought it was a shot ! Mordin stores his twisted inventions in dishware OUT in open view ! Can you believe that shit ?” She climbed faster as her palms sweated. 

<”You thought you were ingesting liquor ? According to the Normandy’s current time-stamp, it’s still considered the morning-cycle. What were you doing drinking so early in the day ?”>

“Why the hell is everyone missing the fuckin’ point ? Shit is going sideways ! If I don’t release the gas, my friends could get killed !” She passed the C.I.C with relief that she was just less than a quarter away from ending the clusterfuck.

<“I am sorry, Shepard.” > Liara said again and then entered a brief moment of contemplation. <” While this isn’t my expertise, it sounds like the experiment is a hormonal stimulant that affects a range of species. It certainly makes sense that Salarians are immune due to their lack of hormonal process but I don’t understand how Garrus would be.”>

“What does it matter ? It was a prototype ! Mordin’s formula was off for Turians or some shit. Who cares !” Shepard argued.

<” Turians are a dextro-protein based species, Shepard.”> The Prothean expert countered, ignoring her dismissal to get to some irrelevant point. <” It is the same with Quarians. Their hormonal reproduction is similar. If Tali was affected-”>

“-I’m pressing for time, T’soni.” Her patience was thinning; as comforting as it was to hear from Liara since they rescued Feron and defeated the Shadow Broker, she had too much on her mind to examine their reconnection.

<”What I’m saying is that there are too many similarities to support the theory that the experiment wouldn’t affect Turians.”>

She had to be close to her cabin by now and not a moment too soon, “ Well, it didn’t ! Garrus had my back the entire time ! Look, I would love to discuss biology with you but I have a ship full of sexual deviants to gas so UNLESS there’s something else..I really need to get to it.”

<”Just be careful, Shepard, something doesn’t seem right. Please keep me updated and should you change your mind, I have agents ready to help, we’ll take every precaution.”>

It was strange to see the archaeologist so willing to help, as if she was over-compensating. They had a discussion before about Liara’s continuing perception of herself as someone who was weak-willed and helpless during the time they stopped Saren and Sovereign. Deep down, she blamed herself for not being stronger- as if it would have made a difference when the Normandy was destroyed by the Collectors’ ambush. Liara took Shepard’s death hard and played a hand in contributing to her resurgence. The Commander found her stubbornness endearing as well as daunting for her friend, while it was important to stop the Reapers- she was afraid Liara was bargaining too much to prepare for the inevitability of a galaxy-wide war with her essence as an individual. 

“Thanks, Liara. Wish me luck.” Maybe one day, they’ll reach some accord- hopefully her inheriting the Shadow Broker’s networks will keep her grounded rather than further isolated, which was a long shot since a ship in the middle of Hagalaz for her new office hardly inspired self-improvement.

<”Goddess go with you. And..”> Her tone softened with a lisp of amusement. <”Should things go awry, I can create an inquiry of acceptable names for your first child.”>

Shepard instantly recanted her position as a sympathetic friend, “Not fuckin’ funny.” She ended the link and proceeded with a grimace. 

After the strenuous climb with one or two close-calls of slipping off the ladder from her sweaty palms, Shepard reached her destination. The beautiful sight of the white painted metal that stood between her and the welcoming confines of her room almost caused her to sob in relief. Climbing her way through the entire ship resembled what was similar to swimming across the Atlantic.

She grabbed the small metal wheel on the door above her head with her right-hand. Touching it made the conclusion of her burdens finally subside, as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. 

“Hang on, Garrus !” She cried out as she began turning the wheel while holding onto the ladder with her left arm.

The wheel relented for a few turns until it stopped with a rusty hinge sound. She groaned in anguish as she tried to beckon the wheel to turn again with brute force but it wouldn’t yield. Not an inch.

“FUCK ME !” She screamed with all of her muster. 

Her next decided course was to hit the cursed thing with her fist. The classic instinct to hit inanimate objects hard enough to inspire functionality continues to be her greatest delusion. Still, there were some hints of satisfaction from the savagery of it as she plowed her bruised and possibly broken fist into the cold and unfeeling metal. She couldn’t help but wonder if it was REALLY her fallacy of being too brash OR some innate impulse within her that stemmed from the time when her species were cave dwellers. 

The wheel wouldn’t move, something must have jammed it or maybe with it being inactive for so long the locking mechanism became severed. 

Shepard growled as she stopped for a moment, holding onto the ladder with both hands for a brief and rational analysis of her current obstacle. She glared at the door above her head hoping to find some kind of clue why it wasn’t working. With all the credits put into the new Normandy AND the efforts the experts put into keeping her running like a dream, the fuckin’ ship had TOO many interior flaws. This will have to be examined soon if they plan to voyage through the Omega 4 Relay.

There weren’t any scratches on the metal, in fact, it looked downright new- still looking as though it was fresh out of the factory. In addition to her investigation, there didn’t appear to be any locks near the wheel that she could have missed. 

“For fuck’s sake..WHY ?” She barked at it as if it were able to respond, “No..come on, Jane, one step at a time. Don’t lose your shit NOW. You’re so close !” 

Keeping herself from having a bonafide episode, Shepard continued where she left off. She grabbed the wheel again and listened carefully to any identifiable sounds of jamming as she tried to turn it to the right. This time, the wheel elicited a squeaky moan, as if the culprit of the problem was something as mundane as a lack of lubrication. 

Shepard released the wheel and examined the contours of the door to determine which side had the locking apparatus. The left side appeared to have a deeper groove than the others, big enough to slide something through it and jimmy it open. 

With a fraction of her hope rekindled, Shepard dug into her right pocket for something...ANYTHING that could liberate her from the purgatory of the maintenance hatch that was becoming an otherworldly mineshaft. She pulled out a protein bar wrapper, it’s material was too thin to fold it into a strong enough edge; still, it had potential if nothing else worked so she decided to keep the piece of trash. 

Shifting to her left pocket, she uncovered the brass button she found beneath her bed before descending to the C.I.C to begin her morning routine. She still couldn’t figure out how the thing got there, she didn’t own anything with buttons. 

Hardly inspired by the odds, she decided to test the theory of its width by sliding it into the crack, “ C’mon you bitch !” 

By a miracle it slithered it’s way through, she held her breath as she carefully eased it to the center where the locking mechanism should be. Somehow her hand trembled with anticipation which made the delicate maneuver more difficult.

The button touched a jagged surface and a click transpired. “Hell yeah !” 

Turning the wheel once more, she encountered less resistance. “C’mon, you stupid piece of shit !”

“Shepard. You are turning it the wrong way.” EDI stated.

“WHY the hell didn’t you mention it earlier ? Is this funny to you ?” She blurted as she turned the wheel counter clockwise; not only her arm was sore but her pride was severely wounded.

“My capabilities lack the concept of what is amusing to your human perspective. Should I perform a search ?”

She shoved the latch with little care of the enormous bruise on her shoulder that’s likely to spawn later, “We’re talking about this later. I’m here, get ready to activate the infiltration system. I’ll tell Mordin to release the gas.” For all their sakes, the mayhem of horniness needed to end before the Normandy is destroyed entirely from within. 

She was welcomed with familiarity of the comforting kind. She found her balance from her commute from the ladder and turned to her fish tanks with a sense of-

“NO !” She cried out as she immediately noted the colony of dead fish bobbing on the surface. In a brief burst of anguish, she knocked over her desk’s chair with an embellishing kick. The sabotage provided a minor solace as she bit her bottom lip, reminding herself that she couldn’t lose her shit now- it’s still NOT over.

She power-walked to her other desk that was close to her door and bathroom ( it continues to confuse her WHY Cerebrus thought she would need two), “EDI, lock my door with EVERYTHING you have to keep it secure. NO ONE is permitted through without my permission, are we clear ?” The elevator was still keyed to her DNA, the possibility of anyone coming through the front door was slim but with her unusual karma today- she couldn’t take any chances. 

“Understood, Shepard.” 

Shepard continued her focus, accessing Mordin’s link on her Omni-Tool.

<”Shepard, did you make it to your quarters ?”> the doctor answered too quickly with an alarming rushed tone as if he were running. 

She immediately abated her grief, “Mordin, what’s going on ?” 

<”Situation on the C.I.C deck is deteriorating quickly.”> He said with the speed of light. <”Will spare you the details. The crew will not be distracted for long.”> She heard the sounds of glass being moved across a smooth surface. He must be darting from his numerous work spaces to finalize the preparations. Still, she didn’t like the way he sounded..it almost resembled worry. 

Shit. If HE was starting to lose it then there would be no hope. She can’t even imagine what kind of state the C.I.C was in to change his default deposition but she couldn’t let him waiver. She was his Commander and it was her job to keep his spirit fighting, “Then let’s end this ! Take precautions and deploy the sedative !”

She listened to his breathing that resembled panting, followed by clangs of metal. <”Have the air duct accessible. EDI, accelerate the ventilation system.”>

Shepard held her breath, leaning against her desk with her sore and sweaty palms resting on its surface. A hum that sounded like a cheap hair dryer resonated for a moment until a click stirred above her. EDI must have sealed off her quarters from the ducts. She’ll have to suffer through a stuffy room but she’ll gladly take that inconvenience. 

“I have increased the air-flow’s current by twenty percent, Dr. Solus. The entire crew will be in a deep state of unconsciousness in two minutes after the sedative is released.” The A.I. announced. Two minutes sounded too long but she had to trust her judgement. 

<”Appeasible. Stand ready.” > Mordin replied as the familiar sounds of chucking the chamber of a grenade launcher took over the channel. < “At an angle of thirty five degrees, I am able to-”>

There was a sudden crash that caused Shepard to flinch and stagger backwards as if the ordeal had occurred right in front of her. She listened to Mordin climb down from the exposed air duct in a hurry, huffing as if he were having an asthma attack. 

<”Jacob. Only warning you ONCE to stay back.”> The Salarian issued with a disciplinarian tone, a familiar click of a standard pistol followed. 

“Oh FUCK, Jacob..” She mumbled, realizing he was still in the picture. 

<“I’m sorry, Doctor, but you’re in my way. I know what you’re up to with the sedative and I’m going to stop you.” > She could hear the ex-alliance soldier respond cordially. 

Her skin crawled with terror and disgust as she returned to the maintenance hatch, suspecting Mordin was going to need back-up. Despite the shit-storm’s fault was HIS to begin with, she couldn’t let ONE MORE friend (more or less) get hurt on her watch. Instincts aside, she was flabbergasted HOW Jacob found out. She thought Mordin took the necessary precautions to keep their comm-lines private. Unless Kasumi and Tali had their hacker-capable fingers on the information but Kasumi must be still drooling on the floor. That would leave Tali but what would she have to gain with Jacob if she relayed their intentions ? Could it be another alliance ?

<”No one is going to get in between the Commander and I. We’re made for eachother.”>

Sounds of a struggle emerged, she could only suspect he was using his biotic abilities against Dr. Solus- at close range, it would be a deadly encounter. 

“Fuck it ! Mordin, I’m going down there !” the Commander announced as she turned the god forsaken wheel again, readying herself for the fastest descending climb of her life. 

<” NO !”> Mordin fired back in a tone that rendered her speechless to argue back. < “Too dangerous.You must remain in seclusion. Jacob’s biotic strength is considerable but I have a few acceptable maneuvers from my early days that will be challenging. Suggest you stand by while I handle-”>

A collision of glass breaking and unceremonious gunfire enacted. The line was then cut off. 

Shepard lingered for a moment in profound trepidation, digging her fingernails into her palms until the skin started to tear- as if that would inspire her to decide on what to do now. All she could hear was the occasional bubbling of her fish tanks as the current of the water gently stirred -what was now- cold fish soup. 

“Oh shit.” She whispered to herself, turning her back on the maintenance hatch as she stared at her reflection in the aquatic pet cemetery’s glass sheen, “Shit…” 

Shepard was engulfed with another philosophical introspection that pierced her to the core of her own self-worth. She seems to have the knack of enduring the most punishing moments a military life could provide but there were a few abhorrent times in her career (so far) that truly wounded her tenacity to move forward, reducing her to that of a scared little mouse in a den of bored cats. 

“Shit.” 

She’ll have to add this to the books because she didn’t know what to do; lost in her new reality of helplessness. Distracted by the blurred outlines of her reflection in the glass (produced by wiping her hands on it yesterday from eating too many hot wings and not having enough paper towels), she failed to notice someone climbing out of the maintenance hatch.

Processing what was a pattern of exhaustive breathing, the Commander jumped around to see an old friend as if he had escaped from the clutches of death. 

“Garrus !” She exclaimed, relieved that SOMETHING didn’t end up fucked up like everything else.

The bastard hardly looked like he crawled out of the azure resorts spa that she secretly wished to spend her retirement in, if she would survive the pending Reaper threat. He was holding his side with his left hand, blocking what she suspected was a giant depression on his armor- likely produced by one of Grunt’s headbutts. He had difficulty standing, recovering from a long climb in his condition. He took some savage beatings that were revealed on the sides of his mandibles. The skin looked as though he went head down on a slip-and-slide made out of cheese graters.

“Holy fuck, how did you get out of there ?” She asked as she approached him to help him get to somewhere to sit. He refused with a respectful head shake.

“I’m Garrus Vakarian. That’s how.” He jested dryly, basking in his corny bravado.

She noted he had all but the emergency syringe pouch that they recovered from the Med-Bay. He must have surrendered his rifle in a fast retreat as soon as he found an opportunity. Lucky son of a bitch ! 

The Turian pushed the maintenance door hatch closed with an effortless backwards kick, “Also, Grunt becomes a surprising barricade after seven injections.” 

Before she could pinpoint the strange feeling that swept over her again, Garrus continued closer to the door to inspect it, “Did you get a hold of Mordin ? He hasn’t released the sedative yet because I would have fallen in there.This ship is HELL to climb through.”

“It’s Jacob !” She grunted, reminded of the disappointing blow, “He found out what Mordin was doing and I heard a fight. The comm went silent, I’m afraid something bad happened. I think I should reconsider Liara’s offer for help. She can send her newly inherited creepy minions over to help us !”

Garrus buckled as he tried to stretch his back, she heard several pops of his spine. “That might be for the best but that will take awhile for back-up to arrive. Is the door secure ?”

“As secure as it can be, EDI slapped every obstacle she can on it. Hopefully it will be enough to keep us safe until then. What I don’t understand, out of this entire cluster fuck of a nightmare, is HOW Jacob found out what Mordin was doing.” She went to check her Omni-Tool to access Liara’s link to request reinforcements, “ I mean, our line was always set to private. Kasumi’s communication scrambler in engineering would have blocked anything going on within the vicinity. The only way he COULD have known is..” 

The hamster wheel that resembled her mind finally spun out of control, flinging off its frantic passenger. 

She looked up from her Omni-Tool to see Garrus facing her distinctly with a handful of syringes in his right hand. That arm was supposed to be paralyzed from Dr. Chakwas’s strangely hot encounter earlier. 

“You son of a bitch, you led me on this entire time ! You’re the mole..you..” She took a step backwards, realizing that among the MANY miscalculations she made- she allowed him to already corner her closer to her bed. Unless she wanted to take a dive in the maintenance hatch and risk getting her neck broken, she was trapped. He was blocking the way to the door- even IF EDI could lift every firewall in time, she doubted she could make a charge. 

Garrus came closer, shadows fell upon his face- relaying a blank expression that could be the Turian interpretation of a ventriloquist dummy, “ Since the beginning. I had to make you believe I was helping you. In a way, I am. We’re alone at last.” 

She didn’t have a weapon on her and he made sure he left his behind just in case she could wrestle it out of him, “You played ‘ally’ until you were sure you had me caged in here.”

“The nerve-blocker that Chakwas stabbed me with ? It wore off by the time we got to Engineering. I stayed behind to uninstall the communication scrambler to send Jacob intel to stop Mordin. Hell, I shot your biggest heart throb, Samara, TWICE to make sure she was down because that woman can sniff out bullshit ten miles away.” He continued casually, coming closer. “You will learn that it’s for the best.We’re meant to be..at least for a few hours.” 

He lifted his hand that held the syringe bouquet. 

“You sick motherfucker ! I trusted you !” She growled, pissed she wasted mental energy worrying about his traitorous ass the entire time.

“Call it a white lie, Shepard. You’ll get over it. Now come here, honey.” 

He tried to stab her with his deadly fist but her survivalist's instinct finally kicked in and she swiped it away with her dominant arm and kicked the crater-sized dent on his side to fuck with the wound beneath it. The counter worked ! Garrus staggered backwards with a curse from the impact. 

It gave her time to go to her desk and grab her ammo. She flung a few data pads and a dirty coffee mug at him to try to agitate the vulnerability of his beaten face. She had to disorient him ! The last thing on her desk was the stupid book Liara gave her as a prank after they defeated the Shadow Broker. Her friend continues to have WEIRD timing with her sense of humor. The book was called ‘Matriarchal Sexuality.’ Within it were NOT only shocking pictures of naked blue beauties of every shade and contour (in alarming positions) but it also had Liara’s notes and circles in red ink throughout the beast of the book. It was practically eight-hundred pages long. Shepard only kept it for sentimental reasons- or so she convinced herself. 

“Fuck it, it’s heavy enough.” She grumbled and tossed it at his face as he tried to recover his posture for another pursuit. “Take THIS and shove it up your ass, you sociopath !”

The book slammed into the exposed flesh of his mandible, causing him to grunt in pain.

Shepard grabbed the chair out that she kicked earlier and moved it firmly into a half-ass barrier between them to further slow him down. She had to think of something soon- there was no one to help her on the ship. Everyone was either crazy or knocked out by now or WORSE ! 

Before she could think to fashion a sling out of one of her pillowcases and the alarm clock radio with redundant tunes, the maintenance hatch flung open with the force of a geyser.

The translucent energy wave darted at Garrus and engulfed him completely. It lifted him off of his feet like a prize getting jacked in a claw machine.

Samara promptly rose out of the metal confines with a stunning apathetic stride. She threw him with a feisty fling of the wrist, slamming him head-first into the ceiling. He was knocked out immediately. 

“Samara, you saved me !” The Commander practically sobbed, shakened from the ordeal and relieved to see her again, “ I can’t believe I trusted him so easily. He almost..he..” She never felt so vulnerable in front of her before.

The Justicar gave her a softened look that calmed her, “ It is over, Shepard. He will not gain consciousness for several hours. Garrus did well with subterfuge and deceit but I had sensed his dishonesty immediately.”

Shepard kept a respectful distance from her as she went to Garrus and kicked away the scattered syringes that fell out of his grip. “That was why he shot you with two doses, he knew you would find out what he was planning. With Thane and Miranda as more distractions, it was difficult for you to get to me.” 

As always, the Asari impressed her with her cunning and protective devotion. 

“But wait, I SAW you get shot. How did you manage ?” 

“You saw what I wanted Garrus to see. To deceive him. I tried to follow your path as quickly as I could. I limited the amount of harm that was necessarily done to our colleagues along the way.” She grabbed the syringe pouch and returned. 

“How did you get here without Garrus noticing you ? He literally just got here five minutes ago.”

“I managed to pry open the elevator and took the emergency ladder. I tried to follow you two to Engineering but I had several obstacles along the way. By the time I arrived, I already found most of the crew unconscious-except for Jack. I tried to be gentle as I could.”

Shepard mentally reminded herself to check the security feeds later to see the spectacle. For professional assessment..

“Garrus had a good distance ahead of me-enough for me to maintain my stealth. What of you, Shepard, are you well ?” The answer was obviously NO but it was an endearing sentiment.

“ I’ll somehow get through it, even if it costs me a few therapy sessions with a bottle of whiskey. Thank you, Samara, I appreciate everything you’re doing to help.” Shepard wanted to digest the touching connection that softly manifested between them but it still wasn’t over. “Now, all we need to do is see if Mordin is alright. Jacob ambushed him when he tried to stop this craziness with a sedative through the air ventilation. Maybe we can get EDI to analyze life signs. EDI ?”

“Mordin and Jacob are unconscious, Shepard. Their altercation destroyed most of the lab’s contents.” The A.I. responded. 

“Dr. Chakwas is going to need a raise after all this. Alright, I guess we should try to get down there and get the grenade launcher he rigged up to shoot the gas. We NEED to finish this thing.” Shepard went to the hatch.

“That would be unwise. While I have stopped several crew-mates on my way here, there is still a concerning sum to handle. It would be more feasible if I go on my own. I am not a target to them.” Samara said as she followed after her. “I am perfectly able, Shepard, I will be fine.” 

To the Commander’s unending suffering, she watched as the Asari paused her footing to look at the “Matriarchal Sexuality” book in her path. Fuck you, T’soni. Why the HELL did she leave the thing in open-view in the first place ? She felt like a sorority piece of shit. 

“It’s astounding how strongly you are resisting Mordin’s experiment. I mean, you ARE infected, aren’t you ?” 

Samara continued her course and rested the tips of her fingers on the hatch’s door, “ To a degree. I have the strength to withhold my own drives for centuries. Perhaps that experience gave me flexibility.”

“So what happened between us was..” 

“A relapse in judgement, on my part.” She said gently with hints of remorse in the corners of her lips, “ I am still affected. Even now- I feel myself slipping in your presence. It is challenging.”

The disappointment and awkwardness of her answer felt like an elbow jab in the chest but she had to keep her composure. “Oh.”

“I still treasure our friendship, Shepard. You are very..special..but understand that anything more is impossible.” She assured her with a more revealing compassion than the Commander could ever dream for. 

She always knew the truth but had to be absolutely certain. “I know. You are special to me too but I’m honored to be worthy of your friendship.”

“The honor is mine. I should be off. I will keep you informed.” Samara only briefly absorbed her confession and allowed the descent back into the hatch to be a merciful distraction. 

She was about to take her leave when Shepard stopped her with an offer of a handshake, “Be careful and good luck.”

The Justicar reluctantly shook her hand; the touch instantly pulled them both into a cataclysmic kiss. Time felt as though it were skipping as they wrestled against each other for an unquenchable thirst for warmth. They shortly found themselves against the dirty fish tanks- scarcely irritated by their barrier of armor and fabric. 

In an instant, Commander Shepard gained consciousness, finding herself naked with her limbs tangled with Samara’s. She forgot about Mordin’s sedative, “Oh shit !” 

She sat up with intentions to swing her legs over to the edge of the lop-sided mattress with the wrinkled bed sheets ripped off in two corners. She was stopped with indescribable pain that threaded below her waist.

“Oh HELL !” Shepard cried out in pain, flopping back down on the bed.

Samara awakened from the commotion and instead of tending to Shepard’s distress- she bolted out of bed in disgust of the horror mistake she made. She collected her armor and strapped them on like a passive aggressive sales clerk. 

“Samara, it’s going to be okay,” Shepard felt compelled to say to assure her obvious torment. She could feel her devastation surging within her, that she had relinquished centuries of self-restraint. 

The Commander tried to get up again but was punished with the same affliction, “AH ! God, something is definitely broken..”

With a brief need for distraction, she gandered at her alarm clock. It indicated that it has been hours. 

Samara said nothing- avoiding even looking at her. She turned her back as she adjusted her chestpiece. 

Garrus woke up from the floor with a raspy gasp of physical pain, “Ugh. My head..”

He buckled upright to see Samara dressing before him and Shepard naked in her bed, “Oh CRAP ! Did.. did we.. why am I..what the fuck happened ?”

It became clear that the experiment’s effects had faded with time.

“Samara, wait, I-” the Commander continued to convince her speechless companion. She realized that she abused her trust. In the end, Mordin’s concentrate became too much against her resolve and she selfishly exploited it. 

The Justicar went to the door, making her way towards the elevator. Her concerned audience was too physically impaired to follow, she could only listen to her curtly ask EDI to unlock the elevator’s restrictive access with firm insistence. Thankfully, EDI was considerate in interpreting her urgency. 

“Damn it.” 

Now she was left with what she suspected was a shattered pelvis and a bewildered and awkward Turian asshole to deal with, “Garrus, quit staring and help me out here !”

“R-right, we need Dr. Chakwas !”

“Wake her ass up, she’s locked up in the Med-Bay, she slept enough !”

It took the half of the next day-cycle for the poor doctor of the Normandy SR-2 to get through Shepard and her team. The aftermath of the pheromone outbreak concluded disastrous results, reducing the entire population of the starship’s passengers with various injuries and not too fatal broken bones. Thankfully, Miranda helped Dr. Chakwas with insistence she was physically capable- she suffered few scrapes from her encounter with Thane and Samara. She was one of the lucky ones. 

It was a miracle that no one died, the most of the medically trained women’s time focused on the Commander for she suffered the most serious of damages. Her pelvis was, in fact, cracked in two places- after two surgeries and a mountain load of high grade Medi-Gel, they said she would be able to stand in a couple of days.

Once her companions were examined and mended, Shepard demanded that they all meet in the debriefing room to address the elephant in the room and move on. They hardly had the time to digest the trauma for they still had a mission to do- also, Shepard would DO ANYTHING to distract herself from her awkward situation with Samara. Dr. Chakwas said she didn’t suffer anything serious while Miranda vaguely stated that she has been in her room ever since. It will take weeks to repair the damage that was done to their friendship.

Everyone, except for Samara, gathered around the table. Each of them had patches and bandages with sleep deprived exhaustion. Shepard shifted in her wheelchair, not only the make-shifted cast that resembled underwear was already starting to itch and she already has restless leg syndrome. 

That didn’t waiver the persistent aim of her gun at them though. The Commander unapologetically held it up as a comforting precaution. She cleared her throat, “ Let’s just all agree everything got fucked up but it’s over. We still have a job to do so I suggest we get through this ONCE and only ONCE.” The kink in her neck throbbed as she swallowed, “ All I’m going to say is, don’t take it personally if I don’t make eye contact with you all for at least a week. I know it wasn’t your fault but allow a woman her personal space.”

“Kee’lah, I can’t believe I would do something so..disgusting !” Tali said next, grateful for the opportunity to express her constant remorse and embarrassment. 

“Concentrate yielded promising results. Very informative.” Mordin said with his usual cheery intrigue, stroking his chin despite the fact that he suffered multiple burns from his fight with Jacob.

The said colleague shifted his head towards him, “I’m sorry I hurt you, doctor, I don’t even remember doing it but I’m very sorry.”

“Appreciate your sentiment, Jacob. Apology not necessary. Concentrate affected conscious decision making and moral values.”

Kasumi went next, showing her Omni-Tool, “I apparently filmed what happened in Engineering. I just want you to know that I’m deleting it completely from my drive so there’s no hard feelings.”

“I already got rid of my..souvenir. “ The Quarian said with a shudder, “I turned it off after two seconds.”

Jack slammed her palms against the table with a glare, “You FILMED us ?!”

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with us, Cuddles.” the thief said with a small smirk.

“WHAT ?”

Shepard proceeded to Garrus, hoping his distraction would be enough to extinguish the biotic’s unstable mood since she suffered a pesky broken rib. 

“Where’s Grunt ?” He asked, affirmative in keeping his asshole-mouth shut on the matter. Even though he was drugged with a horny chemical, Shepard couldn’t bring herself to be comfortable around him yet. She’ll have to remember to be careful around his mastery of manipulation which surprised the both of them.

“He’s going to bunk in the Med-Bay until we get to Tuchanka for a Krogan tissue donor. Thanks to Mordin’s expertise, Grunt will recover from the detachment of one of his balls sooner than expected but he will be out of commission for a while.” Hopefully two weeks of rest and resupply at Tuchanka and the Citadel will refresh them enough to continue their Reaper IFF investigation. It will HAVE to be enough, the Illusive can suck her imaginary dick. 

Hopefully by then, she and Samara will be on speaking terms again.

“What about you, Shepard ? How are you doing ?” Tali bravely asked. 

Word spread like rapid fire about what transpired in the Commander’s quarters; everyone, even Jack, respected the complication between her and the Asari were private but they had reason to be concerned. 

Shepard leaned against the right arm of her chair with a huff, “What do you THINK ? I’m fuckin’ peachy.”

“You just look like hell, we just want to be sure you’re alright.” Jacob assured her.

“Jacob, she said she was fine. Let it go, right, Shepard ?” Garrus said as he tried to make light-heartedness banter on the entire thing to heal his conscience. 

“Fuck you, Garrus, seriously !” Shepard barked at him, temporarily allowing her subtle PTSD to flare.

“-But I don’t remember doing anything ! The last thing I remember was doing some calibrations on the canon guns and then I found myself on your floor !” He argued, impatient to mend their fractured bromance.

“-Let’s move on to the repairs needed on the Normandy. Mr. Gardner is still recovering so we need to have maintenance done at the Citadel. It’s not my first choice, given the Alliance presence there but we don’t have many options.” Miranda said with perfect timing, just before Shepard could respond with another fiery obscenity. “Mr. Moreau, are you able to pilot in your...condition ?” 

She immediately regretted asking as all attention was drawn to an embarrassed pilot with bed-head and two bounded hands. He tucked them behind his back as the poignant aroma of baby oil continues to sterilize the room, “I’m- uh-good, are we..are we done here ?”

“Alright, as of now we are on leave, people. Get some rest and salvage what’s left of your self-respect and stay at least five feet away from me at all times. Good talk. You’re all dismissed.” the Commander concluded, she had a busy day of trying to figure out how to fish out her dead aquatic pets without standing up.

EPILOGUE:

It took fourteen hours for everyone to digest that the war ended and they won. It actually ended when the Reapers all ceased hostile battle and retreated as the Crucible exploded in a magnificent ray of light, no one could shake off their defenses until every remaining husk was destroyed as they waited word from Commander Shepard OR the Normandy. Both lost contact as the Mass Relay of the Sol System exploded. 

Shepard’s esteemed companions managed to meet from distant corners of the battlefield for a comforting sense of solidarity while they slowly realized that Shepard could possibly be dead. Hope dwindled with each passing hour as they watched alliance soldiers and diverse allies work together to gather their dead and move the wounded. Devastation was an understatement. 

Garrus thought he would bond with the others to grieve but instead he found genuine shock after Justicar Samara’s random confession. 

“T-The entire time ?” He croaked, “B-But you don’t even LOOK pregnant !” 

The second human spectre, Commander Ashley Williams, immediately stomped in front of him with disapproval, “Oh my GOD, Garrus ! You can’t tell her THAT ! What the hell is wrong with you ?”

“She’s right, Garrus, that was very offensive.” Miranda said with a grunt of disgust.

The Turian found himself surrounded by an angry mob, “B-But I didn’t mean..” He looked at James Vega, “James, help me out here.”

“You’re on your own, amigo.” He simply refused, knowing better.

Samara calmly held up her palm to silence the issue, “It’s quite alright, you see, Asari do not exhibit signs of-”

“-Don’t give him the easy way out, Samara,” Ashley interrupted her as her bravado was peaking, “This is the CRAP WE, as women, shouldn’t tolerate ANYMORE. If we’re going to build a new world then it will be a BETTER one. For Shepard. The first place to start is to be consistent about addressing misogynistic behavior NOW while we still can !”

Jack wiped her sweaty chin with the back of her hand with a scowl, “She’s fuckin’ right. I mean, what the fuck, Garrus ? I thought you were sensitive about this kind of shit but we have to take it from you too ?”

“Tali is going to be pissed whenever we get a hold of the Normandy.” Kasumi confirmed stand-offishly, fiddling with her Omni-Tool probably to record the significant moment.

Garrus nervously glanced at his peers, “But I didn’t mean anything by it, I-”

Uurdot Wrex snorted as he pretended to adjust his belt, “Well, shit, Garrus, I’m surprised at you.”

“C’mon, Wrex, you know I didn’t mean to say she’s supposed to be fat or anything. I thought you, of all people, would understand.” Once again he slipped on his words as panic disoriented him. 

Everyone but Samara collectively grunted at his clumsiness with stronger animosity.

“You’re on your own, Vakarian,” Wrex mumbled to him without remorse and then returned to a further distance, “Damn it, Garrus, can’t you shut it off ?”

Ashley shoved his shoulder to herd him further away from them as if he were diseased, “YEAH ! Why don’t you get the fuck out of here ? Go scratch your balls or find some strippers to throw credits at to reassert your pig-headed agenda !”

Garrus desperately looked at the others for sympathy, “B-But-”

Jack cracked her knuckles, “You heard her, asshole. Fuck off !”

He could only give them their space in confusion and shame as they focused on the tired Justicar in concern. 

“I can’t believe it, I thought he was the honorable sort.” Miranda said, “Are you alright, Samara ?”

“I wasn’t offended at the slightest. During pregnancy, Asari seldom show physical signs. It is a misconception most species are not aware of.” The Justicar said at last, grateful for a chance to express the case.

“He was an asshole, you don’t need to defend him,” Kasumi dismissed the truth of it, “If only Shepard were here.”

“She’d tear him a new asshole. Hell, I just might on principle.” Jack added as she pulled out a cigarette from the left breast cup of whatever contraption that she calls a shirt now. “Girl scout number two really came through for you.” 

“It was nothing. We feminine types need to stick together. We’re more than eye-candy baby factories, damn it, we matter !” The Alliance soldier spat.

“It’s about time we show women the respect they deserve.” James added, secretly trying to gain more cred.

“Damn that Garrus.” Wrex snorted again as he shoved Grunt’s shoulder to pay attention, he seemed to be useless when it came to not shooting anything.

Many months followed after they recovered the Normandy; the safe passengers onboard included Liara, Tali, Joker, and EDI. Fortunately, there were no casualties. Reconstruction will take years from the aftermath of the Reaper War but no one will ever forget Commander Shepard’s sacrifice. 

Samara gave birth to a healthy daughter with little complications, which marked the start of another NEW life. It was the first time in centuries that she welcomed the change. By unanimous decision among the Normandy veterans, without her consent, they named her Ashley. 

It took years for Garrus to be reunited with his comrades from the social disgrace he suffered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done. It's finally done ! (drops on knees in the sand in relief) It took a longgg time with everything going on but I made sure I worked on it for at least twenty minutes whenever I could. The last chapter is longer than the others so I thought about splitting them into two but I decided against it. I wanted to wrap this puppy up with a pink bow. I had a few alternate ideas for the conclusion but I'm happy with the outcome. Is it a punch in Garrus's nutsack ? Maybe. Do I have any regrets ? Nah. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and hopefully I'll figure out my next project. - AvidVice


End file.
